Monday, August 3, 2009

And then I broke down

Since I knew that Jon was actually in Texas only about 20 minutes away I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. It's weird I was getting over him I was coming to grips with the fact that we could only be friends and long distance friends at that but I was dealing with it. And then out of nowhere I see him sign on to yahoo so I make myself available instead of invisible just to see if he notices I really didn't expect to actually talk to him but 'hi' first and we talked for about an hour. He said he was coming to visit family and asked if while he was here I would like to get together for lunch and although it hasn't happened yet it's all I can really think about. Last night I broke down. All I could do was cry, I realized I was getting what I had been wishing for since he left for California and then disappeared to Japan, I get to see him again but I also realized it was not in the way I wanted to. All that time that I had no clue where he was or if he was ok I worried and wished to have him back, I wanted him back so that things could be back to how they were, so we could be together again. I realized it is to early to see him again going into it as just friends or even to get my real goodbye. But I also know that I will still see him if he wants to get together for lunch. He texted me when he got here and I'm sure when he has the time to get away from his family he will ask me to lunch and I will go see him. I know it will hurt me I know it will set me back in the healing process, since it already has. But I can deal with all that I can deal will whatever pain comes along with reopening the hurt because it is what I have been wishing for since he disappeared all those months ago. I know I will take whit seeing him because it is what I really want to do, it is what my heart and I am going to give it what it wants. There is still hope in my heart and ev