Thursday, November 27, 2008


Its Turkey Day!!! Meaning food, food,family, food, and more food. I'm watching the Macy's Thanksgiving day Parade it is something my family does every year. So I'm going to give my attention back to the food and family. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Cookies, Zombies, and a Screw Up

So I watched Jon and his friends play Left for Dead the other day for a good six hours, they played like three different campaigns, I was beginning to get bored when then finally stopped. But this meant I watched a lot of Zombies get killed, and for a while he was playing versus mode so he was the Zombie, but I saw a lot of Zombies. That night I stayed at Jon's, it was very late when he finally stopped playing and I was falling asleep, it would not have been safe for me to drive home. I woke up that night at about three in the morning after having a strange and creepy dream.

I was in the woods, I think Jon was there but it could have been some random guy, then these strange looking Zombies came. They had these weird white stretched out faces and for a while did nothing wrong. Then they gave us cookies, I was very confused on this part of the dream the cookies seemed so random I could not make any sense out of them. After the cookies there was a fire and the Zombies started to attack us, then I woke up.

I did not want to go back to sleep but I also did not want to wake on up. So I laid there for a while, fell back to sleep and the dream picked back up, I woke quickly this time and when I fell asleep for the third time if I dreamt I don't remember.

When I told Jon about the dream he connected the cookies, one of his friends pictures for there icon is a grumpy cookie, it all made sense.

And now I've screwed up. I got mad last night at Jon for a pointless stupid reason, and in my anger I guess I brought some memories Jon did not want to think about to his thought, and when I tried to fix it he wouldn't talk to me. He signed off yahoo and put his phone on silent. He leaves today and I really want to fix things before he leaves but I'm not sure if that will happen, with any luck it will, all I need to do is get him on the phone so it may happen as he is leaving, since he is driving it shouldn't be that hard, but we will just have to wait and see.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


Well I hate work, we are so busy with Thanksgiving coming up. I have to work the day before Thanksgiving for six hours and I am not looking forward to it. I want classes to be over, I'm done with school, I want it to be over, I need a break. My brother left sometime today for basic which means I don't get to talk or see him for eight and a half weeks. I really don't want to spend time with my family but with the holidays coming I kinda have to. Jon is going to Oklahoma to visit his family for Thanksgiving, he is leaving Wednesday, I will be trying to see him tomorrow and Tuesday. Then he doesn't come back till Saturday but the good thing is I have decently early shifts this weekend so I should be able to see him Saturday and Sunday, but will just have to play it by ear. I love my Birth Control, it rocks, nuf said. And that would be life for now.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


My brother leaves Sunday and today was the last day I will see him for two and a half months. We spent the day together and he meet Jon, but I can't believe that he will be gone for so long, and I wont be able to talk to him for so long. Today was a good day but a sad day. I'm going to miss him even if it is just for two months, it's just the start nest it will be off to tech school and then he will be stationed somewhere, never thought anyone in my family would join the military, it is a sad day.

I also happen to be getting sick, Jon gave it to me, it sucks, I have to make it through work this weekend and I work next Wednesday because it's the day before Thanksgiving and my store will be extremely busy, which sucks. Plus i am exhausted and have been for the past few days.

All in all today was a sad day.

Other then I saw Twilight, not as good as the book, but worth seeing.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I wish I had more Time

I have been unable to work on my novel for over a month now, and when I tried to work on it today I was stuck. I had no clue what I had been planning; I had to sit and think, I'm actually still thinking of where I was going with it. I want to get back to writing but it is so hard to find the time, again I wish I could be a sleepless from my novel cause then I wouldn't need sleep, heck I wouldn't be able to sleep, but I am not and I require sleep and it seem that I am in need of more sleep lately, I am exhausted and really don't know why. Oh well I only have a few weeks of class left and then I get a two month break, a much needed two month break.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I am no longer mad at Jon. Why you ask, well my older brother who is the person I am closest to in my actual family is being shipped off to basic as he enters the Air Force. When? The 25th of this month two days before Thanksgiving. I found out on my last break at work tonight, I couldn't believe it he wasn't suppose to go till February/March and now he leave in about a week. What's worse is that right now he is in Arkansas visiting his fiancee, which is good for him but it means he will be with my family for only four days before leaving again and because i no longer live with my family I will only get to see him one more time next Friday when we have a fake Thanksgiving with him before he leaves. All this really made me see the perspective of why I was mad at Jon, yes he was a jackass and said and did some jackass things on Saturday but he is 24 and can go out and drink, I mean he is six years older then me what did I really expect. But I was also mad at him for a pretty foolish and stupid reason so I had to just let it go. My friend/manager, when I told her this as I was leaving work, asked how I was so grown up, she said that was not a typical 18 year-old response, and she's probably right most other 18 year-olds would continue to be pissed and not forgive so quickly but I've never been a teenager I've always been mentally older then my actual age, why I'm dating someone that many years older then me. It made me feel good to hear my friend say that, she is 27 and hearing it from her meant a lot, I mean it is a more adult thing to do and I can see that, but again as I said I've never really been a teen so it's normal for me, I will get pissed at someone for a stupid reason and then just give me a day, or sometime to think, or shock me into reality and I will forgive, I won't forget, but I'll forgive.

My parents invited Jon to our fake Thanksgiving, not sure if he will go or not, I think he's scared to meet them, if I were him I would be. But I'm trying to get him to go not that I'm really ready to introduce him to my rents it has only been a month but I don't think I will be able to see him this week if he doesn't come to the fake Thanksgiving. I've left it up to him, it's his choice, I won't force him to go. That's what I'm saying and I'm sticking to it.

And this is my 12th post this month which means that I will definitely pass the 12 post mark set by myself in the first two months I had this blog. YAY!

**Update my bro actually leaves the 23rd, found that out yesterday. :(

Well I Tried

I really did try to keep this blog happy and way from the depressing part of my life that has claimed my life for the past two years, that's why I made it for my life in college and my novel, knowing the novel would just be a fun thing to blog about and hoping college life would be better. Well I haven't been able to work on my novel for about a month now and life in college wasn't what I was hoping for. It's new it's a change it all started good. I needed a change I needed new, I've had good experiences with the roommate for the first time, she is actually now never here, I am doing okay in my classes, I have made some friends, but not like my old I never hang out with these friends I am trying to become more social and it's just not happening. And then there's the love life, the guy. It was another thing I needed, I had been alone for so long it's good to have someone, but now some of the most retarded things are pissing me off. I mean it's been about a month, and I could really care less if he wants to go get drunk with his friends, or like last night complete and total strangers, but that's what made me mad at him last night. He went out to party and I was unable to see him. I spent my night pissed off trying to distract myself in my dorm until a reasonable time to go to bed, why he was out getting drunk, oh and I let him know how pissed I was, the thing he called today to try and work things out and it did nothing, I am still pissed at him and maybe even more then I was last night. The thing is I really do like him and don't want to stop seeing him, that's why I got so mad that's why I feel like I can express that anger to him, I feel safe with him and I care about him, and I want to see where things go, but he is making it hard, I don't think he understands some of the things I tell him, I don't think he gets what I tell him. I want this to work, I need this to work, but I don't know how much more I can take, I had such a crappy and depressing two years that I can't let it continue, I am working on making my life better and at least for now I believe Jon is part of that, but if I can't get him to understand what I am telling him, I can't see us together for much longer and that makes me sad, I feel that I am doing this to myself, that I am getting mad and upset over nothing, that I am unconsciously ruining this but then I also feel that I am the only one trying that I am the one planing and finding times for us to see each other and from when we first meet to now that is a big difference, he pestered me on IM for two or three days to meet him in person, and when it looked like we would only be able to see each other on weekends he asked me to let him know if I would be free during the week, and now it's me trying to find the time for us to get together. Right now he thinks I'm not mad at him anymore but he's wrong I'm still mad and will continue to be mad until I can really talk to him about what is going on in my head, which I refuse to do over IM or the phone, and with my busy week and weekend I have no clue when that will be, let's just hope for both Jon and my sakes the time away for me to think will let this whole mess in my head end happily because I won't be able to handle anything if I lose what I do have with him.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Life is Confusing

So I had that talk with Jon tonight, and things are better, but I'm still confused. I think I'm going to let it go for now and see how things go. I've noticed Jon does not have the best memory especially when he is drunk. I don't work so much this weekend so I am hoping that we can spend a lot of time together this weekend. Though I realized this all started when the employees at my parents daycare center started talking to me about my relationship. I've stopped going to talk to them which sucks cause now I don't get to see Aidan. I'm going to have to plan another "kidnapping" day with him, but probably not till January or February. I am going to try and go down tomorrow cause my car needs gas and it is cheaper in Buda. But not sure cause if I can see Jon that is what I will be doing, I hate that we don't get to spend that much time together and I am hoping that this weekend we will get to spend much time together. I just realized I have come full circle and am repeating myself, wow I'm tired so this will be it for now.

I believe this is also my tenth post this month and with still a good part left I should definitely pass 12.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Veteran's Day

It was so early when I posted the other post that I hadn't noticed it was Veteran's day.

May we never forget.

Am I Freaking Over Nothing

I have no clue. I guess it's weird and all new, Jon is my first real relationship and I have no clue how to handle it. I mean I keep having these freak out moments and I feel that they may be over nothing and I mean absolutely nothing at all. Like last weekend when Jon decided he needed two days to get drunk with his friends, was I wrong to be upset. I mean yeah he can have fun with his friends and if he wants a guys weekend, I don't really care he can have. This weekend even worked perfectly because of all the work for school I have, and am still trying to finish I might add, I'm such a good procrastinator. But still when I found out he was home and not in Dallas I got pissed. I mean he lied but only slightly, cause he only said he thought he was going to Dallas and I'm not with him all the time, cause that would be weird at this point so for all I know the plans changed on Saturday why I was at work, who know, who really cares. But I mean when I did find out he was home and not completely wasted I did end up going over to his place, but I had to ask he didn't invite. I am so confused on the details of this relationship. We are going to talk about it the next time we are together, I scared him at first, he thought it was the conversation that would end things but I reassured him it was not and that by having it would be helpful to the relationship. Then he jokingly asked if I was preggers which for now I can say no to. So with any hope I will see him sometime before Friday to talk so we can get back to the normal stuff very soon, I don't like the weird awkwardness we have right now.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I got an Award and other crazy stuff that happened last night.

Dina gave me this Award,

The rules for this one are to give it to four people who follow my blog and then to one new person elsewhere in the world. My problem from my comments I got very little for readers, not really stressing I just started this blog in September, so I will have to give it to the three commenters.

Dina- has commented the most and therefor deserves to be first.

- cause she helped me come up with things to do when "kidnapping" Aidan

And finally LiteralDan- In the comment he left I think he asked me to "kidnap" his children, but it was still a comment so he gets the award to.

And that's all I got for now, thinking of adding a tracker to see my real reader base.
Wow I just realized all the people that follow my blog are parents, wow that's weird, again don't really care I mostly follow parent blogs so it make sense.

Okay so on to some more fun stuff. Jon got drunk again last night, but this time at his place. Well one of his friends, Tate, hijacked his computer and was IMing with me for a bit, which is how I found out he was home and not in Dallas like he said he was most likely doing last night, but anyways he got really messed up and for some reason I didn't want to be alone last night, so I got kinda pissed and left a not so nice IM message for him, I thought he wouldn't check until the morning but about five to ten minutes after sending it he decided to not be so drunk and come to his computer. Well he could tell I was not happy and for a while was trying to make me feel better over IM but it wasn't helping, I needed to get out of my dorm and do something and even though it was two in the morning I somehow ended up at his place for the rest of the night. I also ended up texting with the friend that hijacked his computer, last night was very strange.

More then half way to posting more then 12 times. YAY!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Jon is...

An hilarious drunk. Yeah that's right we are not together tonight cause he is getting drunk with his friends, he's 24 by the way perfectly legal. It's cool though I got to spend time with one of my friends, we went and had dinner and saw Saw V it was pretty gruesome. I texted him at 7:30 before the movie to ask if he was drunk yet and when he replied "yar" i took it as yes and decided to call him after. Twas a good thing, he is extremely funny when drunk and on the phone, however it is beginning to get really cold here and i forgot my jacket, so i was freezing, and it doesn't help that my body temperature is naturally low about 96 even, nurses in hospital last year when I had my asthma attack almost thought I was hypothermic, so Jon made fun of me and called me names, but i'll have to forgive him, he was very drunk. I will have to see tomorrow how he is taking the after affects, however probably wont get to see him till some time next week he is planing on going to Dallas tomorrow, again good thing I have so much work to get done and he is such a distraction.

Well on my way to more then 12 post this month, with any luck I will surpass 12 and post much much more this month.

**Update** Jon called me at midnight, to tell me he made it home, sweet yes, but having to be at work at nine this morning having been asleep for an hour it was no longer sweet. Don't get me wrong I'm glad he made it home safely but we have only been together for two weeks so not completely necessary, the really sad part he does not even remember either phone call, he drank to much last night, but i still like him.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Well I'm in Pain

My chest hurts, and I don't know why. It is very irritating especially since I have a PSY test in 30 minutes. My day so far has been spent studying for said PSY test, participating in an experiment for my PSY class, a shower, a drive from the boyfriends to the dorm in morning rush hour, breakfast, I am personally amazed that one happened, lunch, more studying, lots of studying, and to top it all off after said PSY test I will get to write two papers, do some pre-cal homework, and study some more. I guess it is a good thing that my boyfriend is a gamer and will be at a Gears of War 2 release party and then be spending the whole night playing said game, giving me little to be distracted by. Still can't explain the pain and wish it would go away, but oh well, I'll have to live with it for now, got to go take a PSY test.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Happy Change Day

Last night was a great night for me. Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States by a landslide, as of this morning with three states still processing results Obama had 338 electoral votes to McCain's 163. Now the popular vote was not as big of a difference, 52% to 46% or something like that, but anyways with the vote that mattered Obama did great. This is a great day for the US, history was made and the world will never be the same. I am now happier to claim being an American and I am even proud of Texas cause even though the majority of the state voted McCain, the margin was not very big. Anyways it is a good day to be an American.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Happy Election Day

Today is the day when we get to find out who will replace the idiotic, stupid moron we call our president. I turned 18 this year so I got to vote. I voted early. It is not as exciting at it would seem to be. Stand in line for two and a half hours for five minutes of actual voting, but hey I can say I voted, I made a difference. I voted in October, there is no way I would be able to vote today, I would have to find time to drive home, yes only a 20 minute drive, but with class and other stuff it wasn't going to happen. So I voted October 25th during early voting.

This is also cool for me cause my novel starts with this election, now yes in my novel neither Obama or McCain win, but I just couldn't turn them into a dictator, well maybe Mc... no McCain is to old and Obama I just couldn't it would be to wrong, therefore I created Victor Banner. So today in the universe of the Sleepless Victor Banner is being elected the President of the United States, for the sake of humanity be glad that he is not real. I created Victor Banner to be a very evil man with a very evil plan. Now I would tell you his plan but that would spoil my novel. Just believe me and be happy that Victor Banner is a fictional character in my head and not a real person being given power over the US right now.

With that being said lets all hope who ever is the 44th President of the US is better then the moron we have now, so that means Obama for win.

(Yay! two post in two days, I will post more then 12 times this month)

Monday, November 3, 2008

And Life has become...

Amazing. I am now in a relationship, his name is Jon. He is sweet and amazing and I just love spending time with him. We have been together for a little over a week now and it has been the best week of my life. He is 6'5" to my 5'4" but it just makes fitting under his arm easier. It has taken me years to find a guy I can connect with and get along with and even though this is just starting we both already agree that we connect. We enjoy many of the same things, movies, music, and other stuff. I am still trying to let it click in my head that I have someone that cares about me and that I care about, it is such a weird thing for.

Plus my early class tomorrow got canceled so I don't have to get up early, no class till 12:30pm it rocks.

I also noticed that I have exactly 12 post in September and October which is weird, I'm going to try and fix that this month.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


Well I had an amazing Halloween. Spent it with my boyfriend and we watched Jeepers Creepers I and II. I enjoy spending time with him even if it is to watch a scary movie. I actually love to scare myself with horror movies so it all worked out. He is so sweet but can be such a dork, we have only been together for a week but hey it has been one of the best weeks if my life. This is also the first Halloween I did not dress up, I wore a Halloweenish shirt but that's about it. It worked though I was with Jon, my boyfriend, all night so it didn't matter. Hope everyone else had a good Halloween.