i started again

That's right tonight I started working on my novel again. I made myself sit down and start writing. Fight the writers block with writing. I am very proud of myself right now. I had not touch my novel since sometime last year and it feels good to be writing it again. And I know people probably think I 'm crazy for this but I have to write in order which is what has partly taken me so long to get back to it. I don't know why but I just have to go in order. So that is the good news for tonight.

Oh and I have a job interview on my birthday for a job at a photography studio, I am very excited and hope I get it, I would love to work on my photography skills and get paid to do it.

I think I'm good now

I sent Jon an email yesterday telling him that when he is in town we can only hang out and nothing farther because it is all I can handle emotionally. I haven't heard back but I told him if he was going to reply to take some time to think. I feel better and yet worse at the same time. Because although I know it is not good for me when we sleep together I don't want him to stop wanting to see me, we are suppose to be friends and it was more like friends with benefits and now I know I can't handle being friends with benefits and that we should just be friends. It is a whole lot of mess, because really I still have feelings for him and wish it could be more, but being in reality I know better than that so I just got to hope we can really be friends even when there is no sex.

I need...

I need a job. Twice now I had been lead to think that I had a job and twice now things have fallen through. My last day at my current job is next week and I really need something else lined up. I am pissed. The first was a summer babysitting job with a family my family kinda knew and the only thing I can think of why I didn't get that job was because the other candidate was older. The other was with a nanny agency and they said they did not interview you unless you were qualified so when I got the interview and the person was talking about just having to do this and that I believed I had the job, well today i got an email that said my references were not up to standards, which I'm pretty sure that is because I have only ever babysat for the families and never actually been a nanny for, but still the agency should have checked the references before the interview because in the interview they said all they had to do was this and then I would go to an orientation and could start taking jobs, so I am pretty pissed off right now about that. I have worked in childcare for going on eight years and just because I was 12 when I start shouldn't stop me from getting jobs. I'm sick of working for other people and I am working on not having to but it will take some time before that can happen, at least six months and I have bills to pay still, a car payment, school, credit cards; my parents can not take that on, I can barely afford it on what I get paid now. I have never had this much trouble finding a job before and it's pissing me off.

I can't believe it

I know, I know it has been forever again but I just haven't had much going. I have pretty much just been going to work and doing my school stuff. Well my cousin did get married a month ago and we have set a date for my sister-in-law's baby shower. She and my brother will be here for about a week in August. Jon is in town again, saw him yesterday, said he would be here for a while so probably will see him again before he leaves. Um... Not much else going on. Oh, I quit my job at the daycare to start at a nanny agency, it should be fun, and easier as I will be dealing with less children. I want to do more work with my novel so I will be trying to find time to do that. And that's about it for now.