No good title came to me

So a couple days ago I had an idea for a post and now it's gone. Not even sure on what topic this post was going to be on, I should get a notebook or something to write things like that down, you know like when I am writing my novel and stop mid sentence that what I got right now half a sentence and I'm not quite sure where I was going when I started writing it. Oh well it will all work out int the end.

Work has been going so good. B is advancing everyday. She has some many words yet still not enough as she has started hitting when she is mad, and not just with me her parents have noticed the hitting as well, and we are working on that starting with time out because we are not going to put up with this hitting thing. Also she screams and tells me no when I go to change her cloths or give her her bath it is making things a little difficult but I think it is because she wants her privacy but is just not to that point of she can do it herself yet.

I am going to be in aunt in a little over a month and I can't wait. I was writing the weeks/days down to keep track of my hours and I only have five weeks until I will be in Dover to see the little guy. Plus my brother told my mom that he and his wife had someone they wanted me to meet so it should be an interesting trip.

ANd that is it for now.

Life and Reality TV

So I don't remember if I have said on here yet or not but I'm going to be an aunt in November and it's a boy, Alexander Vincent, we are all very excited even though they live in Delaware. We should be have a baby shower in August here in Texas if my sister in law can travel she is a high risk pregnancy so it is still up in the air. Either way there will be much shopping for my nephew.

I have almost finished chapter 2 of my novel as of right now I have not quite 40 manuscript pages and 11,239 words. I am going to have my mom read the two chapters when I finish the second and then continue on I might post more here later as well.

I've been going through a lot. My ex was here again at the end of May and I may have said something about that already but I sent him an e-mail and he never responded which I expected he wouldn't so not a big deal it still suck though when he decides to communicate and then suddenly disappears again it brings me back to what I felt last year and I just can't feel that way anymore. I really am trying to move on it's just hard to do when he keeps popping in and out of my life every three or so months.

I've been watching The Real Housewives lately which means it the New Jersey ones right now and that stuff is crazy. Some of the stuff that goes on it like wow did that really happen. I feel for Dina who left the show she did what was best for her and I feel for the other housewives that still have to put up with Danielle she is crazy and I really hope she doesn't stay on much longer. I know it's weird for me to talk about TV but from what I've seeing I just had to let it out. The Manzos and their friends seem like good decent people and they have to deal with a crazy woman, and I know they could just not do the show but I would rather see their lives that the crazy persons.

ANd that is all for now.

I'm

20 today. So Happy Birthday to Me and whatnot. Will be fixing profile later.

i started again

That's right tonight I started working on my novel again. I made myself sit down and start writing. Fight the writers block with writing. I am very proud of myself right now. I had not touch my novel since sometime last year and it feels good to be writing it again. And I know people probably think I 'm crazy for this but I have to write in order which is what has partly taken me so long to get back to it. I don't know why but I just have to go in order. So that is the good news for tonight.

Oh and I have a job interview on my birthday for a job at a photography studio, I am very excited and hope I get it, I would love to work on my photography skills and get paid to do it.

I can't believe it

I know, I know it has been forever again but I just haven't had much going. I have pretty much just been going to work and doing my school stuff. Well my cousin did get married a month ago and we have set a date for my sister-in-law's baby shower. She and my brother will be here for about a week in August. Jon is in town again, saw him yesterday, said he would be here for a while so probably will see him again before he leaves. Um... Not much else going on. Oh, I quit my job at the daycare to start at a nanny agency, it should be fun, and easier as I will be dealing with less children. I want to do more work with my novel so I will be trying to find time to do that. And that's about it for now.

So I don't leave February on a sad note

I only have two weeks left till next term, I got many transfer credits from UT to Kaplan. The US won overall metal count with 37 plus an excellent and exciting Gold Metal Hockey game today between Canada and the US, and I do not watch Hockey I am a American Football/Football(soccer) fan. And in general things are going well. Going to Roundrock next weekend to Aidan his birthday present even though his fourth birthday is not till the 10th.

Now for some pictures.



My spastic cat.


Little Aidan

Reading

The last couple weeks I have read a lot and I mean A LOT. And no not things I should be reading meaning not my text book for school. Now I have A's in both the classes I'm taking so to me it is not a big deal to be reading for fun. I have read five books in just about two weeks. For me this is good and really only took that long because I didn't have as much time to read when I got to the last book. But anyways I've been reading books and blogs and gaining ideas left and right for my own writing. I think I mentioned in my last post that I found my journal from my senior year of high school and although that was only two years ago(wow it just hit me that I have been out of high school for two years) I found the beginnings of my current novel and some very very dark writing that I had written in the whole high school sucks I am all alone thing I was going through. Now the beginning of my novel actually has nothing to do with my novel it was a story I wrote for creative writing that as I tried to turn it into a novel it took a nasty turn and I had to stop.

Now that being said I would love to share it but it is not on this computer it is on my dead one sad I know, it would be very long type for right now. But I have shorter pieces that I am going to share over the next few blog posts.

The first is a short, very short, writing about something backwards it was published in the high school's literary magazine.

Ssecop Gnitirw

The pen on the table is picked up; the cap is removed and brought to the bottom of the page. Moving from right to left words are taken from the page. The scribbles disappear along with the comas, periods, semi-colons, question marks, explanation points, and smudges. Letter by letter words disappear. Half way through the author stops to think. Then again the pen is brought back mid-page and from right to left words disappear. Closer and closer to the top of the page soon only the title remains. The author stops and thinks the title disappears from right to left letter by letter. Another pause the blank paper sitting there the pen in his mouth. The idea is there the concept is good. More time elapses and the idea starts to fade then fully disappears and is gone. The writing process begins.

I feel I need to, and random bits

I really fell I need to post more often. I mean I look at my blog everyday to get to the blogs I read and I really do want to write more and this is my easiest form at the moment at least when it comes to people reading what I write. I've had quite a lot of reader lately and mostly form different countries. Now I do write in a journal type thing but I need to get another one for personal use because the one I have right now is for my exploration into Wicca. And even though that is a personal choice and issue I don't want to mix it with the on going thought I have about my day to day life that I do not wish to share with everyone well anyone for that matter.

Which brings me back to needing to post more. Or at least I feel I need to post more. I don't know I thinks it more I want to post more. For the last few days I've come to look for new post on the blogs I read and have thought to myself 'I need to post' I just finally did that today.

I am excited to say that I am reading for pleasure again, it's been a while and it feels good to escape into a world of fantasy. It makes me want to pick back up in writing my novel but when I just look at my time I have very little time for myself with work and school, and I'm still not in a place to be writing some of the sub-plots of my book, I need to be happier, not that I'm not happy, I'm just not happy enough. I'm also really tired and my brain goes all fuzzy when tired.

I was looking for paper the other day and found my journal for my senior year I didn't even remember writing some of the stuff and reading about things that happened some of it was like 'That happened? I can't believe I forgot about that" Wow what almost two years does to the memory.

I got my new car. That was an exciting experience. Have had it for about 3 weeks. It's an 07 Chevy Equinox. I LOVE IT! It is a dark gray and looks like the picture mostly, mines muddy from having a dirt driveway and it raining for the last three weeks.


On a sadder yet exciting note my older brother passed the test/training he needed to to be deployed. Which is good for his career but sad to think that he could be sent overseas to where it is not safe.

Well I know this had random jumps but it was what what on my mind and it felt good to write again.

Yeah!!!

I started school today. I have already logged into my classes and have plans to do home work tomorrow and this weekend. I am so excited to be back in school and I am so glad I can do it online, yeah to the internet.

In other news I believe I missed I one year blog anniversary it was in September and I was not all here in September.

Other then that realization everything is going great!!! =)

I Think

I think I am going to get back to writing. I am feeling way better about stuff and I start back to school next week so why not start the writing back up as well. I had a great Christmas and hoping to have a great new years as well so I think I am going to start working on my novel again and post more on here. I am ready to get back to work. And it will be starting asap.

Well this Feels Good

I have been working on 'Sleepless' for a good portion of the day. It feels really good to get back to my creative writing. I can't believe how long I just let it sit. I now have a good 17 pages of manuscript where I believe I only used to have 5. I sit here now wanting to get back to it. SO to make a short story even shorter here is a part from chapter 1 it is a flashback memory scene, it has what leads to the memory and what pulls the main character out of the memory. Tell me what you think, transition are I think my worst but then I criticize myself too much.


As we walked I began to think of what had started this all for me; two days ago I had been home visiting with my family and now by no choice but my own I was in a dark desert cave. So much had happened that first day back home, so much had changed.
**********
“Emma!” my sister cried as I walked through the door. “I can’t believe it you home for the whole summer, I missed you so much. I have so much to tell you. We have so much to catch up on.
“Hey Emily, I know we have much to talk about but can I at least put my stuff up and get something to eat first please.” I said with a sigh.
“Of course, take your time we have three months together before you leave again.” She hugged me, she was so happy to see me, as I was to see her.
It had been a long year, because of this summer the seniors had not been able to come home during Christmas so it had been a full year since I had seen my family, well other then my baby brother and fellow 24 Collin I had seen him at school, but my parents and Em I had not been allowed to see for a full year and it sucked. It was weird that Em was the only non-24 in the family but she had been born two years before the explosion and therefore was not a child of the aftermath. I was turning nineteen in three weeks and still had a year left at Banner Academy, Collin was fifteen and had four years left. But Emily was twenty-one and had one more year of college but normal college, not where Collin and I were heading, Banner University, the next step toward the future for the 24’s.
There was a knock on my door and I knew it was Emily. “Come in.” I said with another sigh, I wanted some time alone but I knew I wouldn’t get that till later when Emily and my parents pretended to go to bed. Collin and I were expected to keep our studies up, jut quietly so we didn’t “wake” anyone, like they were asleep, Emily would be reading for fun or watching TV and my parents well I tried not to think of what they did at night.
“Hey Emma, how was your year?” she asked in a shy voice I knew she could tell I wasn’t up to talking yet so she was starting off slow trying to get me to talk first so she could tell me about her fun times at college without feeling so bad.
“You know, same old same old, nothing different, ask again next summer and it might be different with all the being prepared for Banner U and what not.” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice but I don’t think it worked.
“Emma I know you are having a hard time with all this but look you get to be home all summer and Collin still has to go back in two weeks. You know it will get better at BU I’m sure you will get more freedom there…”she trailed off. No one knew what BU was going to be like my class would be the first attending. “You know I pretty sure college is suppose to be a choice, I’m sure you could go somewhere else if you didn’t want to go to Banner U.” she said with hope.
“I wish it was a choice but what am I going to do at a normal University even if I went to Harvard or Yale or some other school like that I would be bored and ahead of everyone. This next year is the equivalent to the second year at a normal University.” I had no hope of going anywhere but Banner U and everyone knew it.
“Well I’m still sure you will have fun.” Emily was trying to be helpful but we all knew that Collin and I were different and therefore had a different path.
Emily was only a year older then the last group of ‘normal’ children so she knew that normal schools were fading out and being replaced by more Banner Academy’s as where the University’s. It was a sad thing but no one really saw it that way. Everyone said that the 24’s were the future and since an antidote to what caused the whole mess is unlikely to be found we really were the future.
It was weird Emily wasn’t old enough when it happened to remember sleep but she remembers dreaming. She misses it greatly, I think the dreams she remembers is what gives her the hope she has. We talked until she had to go fake being asleep. It was then that I went to my room to study.
I turned the TV on for background noise but the story caught my eye so I turned it up to hear… “Tonight on the midnight news a recap of Emma Stone’s life, for the first time in sixteen years Emma will be away from Banner Academy for three months. Tomorrow an interview with Emma to see how she is handling the time away from the place she has known as home for so long…” the stupid story irritated me so I turned off the TV and found a good station on the radio to listen to instead.
After about a half hour of music the announcer came on I figured he was just going to say what songs were coming up but instead he said something that caught my attention. “Tonight’s songs are all dedicated to the many people that disappeared twenty years ago, they are all missed and it remains a mystery today what happened to them…” the music began after that and it got me thinking, what if I disappeared. I’m so sick of all the attention, can I just vanish. My plan was hatched and I sought to try.
I left that night at about 1am. I ran as fast as I could until I was out of the LA city limits. Then I shifted between running walking and sprinting east towards the Arizona desert the darkest place in the country, no one would ever think to look for me there, I would be safe and able to vanish from the world of the sleepless and 24’s.
“Emma?” I heard Leo call my name and was jerked out of the memory. I could see light ahead so we must have made it into the cave.
©2009 Megan Hubby

FREAKING OUT!!!

I just got a text from Jon not to long ago which means he is in the USA but what it really means is that he is here in Texas about a 20 minute drive from me. I am FREAKING OUT, to say the least. I know that if I see him while he is here which I'm pretty sure I will it will be for lunch or something and be as a friends only thing and a way for me to a real goodbye and as much as my brain knows this my heart won't give up the hope that it holds onto. I know rationally and in my brain that as long as Jon lives in Japan there is no way for us to work and since he is there indefinitely as far as I know it means I need to more on. But good god is that hard, I mean I still have feelings for him and care about him and I want him to be happy which he seems to be in Japan so I am truly happy for him, but I hurt, and I hurt a lot. It's hard not to cry when I think about him good memory or bad. At first there were just tears and they would last a while now there are sobs but I can cut it off easier. This is hard, I want to see him so much, just being able to see him again would make me so happy, but knowing that it means different things for him hurts, knowing that it will be most likely the last time I see him hurts, knowing I will only get IM convos after this hurts. I am sick of hurt but willing to bring it on to see him again. Part of me wishes and hopes that he will see me and remember how he felt and how much he really missed me, but I have to keep that part quite and not think like that cause it will only hurt me more in the end.I wish things were different but know that they can't be. Just talking to him through texts from his old TEXAS number hurts showing how fast his whole move was he never changed his number. I wish it could be like it use to be when I see him but I know it won't be, part of me knows I should not see him cause it is too soon but that part won't win I will see him, he asked me if I wanted to get together for lunch, that has to mean something. Part of me still thinks he cares and is hurting too hiding it from me like I hide most of my pain from him but I can't think that way cause I'm not in his mind and I'm already putting myself in for enough hurt. I ave no clue how this will turn out I can only hope that it doesn't send me too far back in the healing process.

And Life Goes On

Life goes on. After all that has happened life goes on. I am in such a weird place right now. I am very confused, even though I have accepted that Jon and I are over I can only guess and assume to the reason. I can only think that it is because he has to be in Japan for a while and that is too hard for both of us, the time difference is to much, we would hardly get to talk. So I get that it is over, and for the most part I'm okay with that. It's hard I loved him, still love him, will always love him. He was my first real relationship and those feeling will never go away. Right now my heart and brain are torn do I move on right away have a rebound guy and continue with my life or just wait for a while. I guess I just got to go with my gut feeling. I can't put my life on hold forever but I don't know if I am ready to move on. I still think about Jon ever day, part of it is my wanting him and the feelings I have for him and part of it is wondering if he will answer my questions and tell me the real reason why he doesn't want to be with me. I deserve and I am willing to wait however long it takes him to answer. Life goes on and I must move with it. I am taking it one day at a time cause that is all I can handle. I will get through this, even though right now it seems very hard and long. I will get through this and truely move on with my life eventually.

So I think it's over

If Jon gets his way it is. Well at least for now. I going to keep trying and fighting as long as he will let me. I miss him so much, but it looks like he will be in Japan for a while and that he can't handle that distance and time difference so for now it looks like we are over. But I'm not ready to let go which I know is bad but I will try and keep hoping for a little longer.

Dude it's my Birthday.

I feel old, and I'm only 19. but you know it is not fair Bella in Twilight got to be 18 forever why can't I. Where is my extremely hot not sadistic vampire. Why do I have to grow older? So not fair. Though I am happy and it is the first time I get to get presents that are not from myself. Ok Ok since I was 16 but geeze is a trip to Europe really a Birthday present if you pay for it yourself, yes I was in Paris on my Birthday that year and got Champagne and had the time of my life but really I did pay for it. I have oh never mind I got my Zune when I turned 17 again bought it myself and well 18 was four days after graduation so everything was given as a both, so what if I didn't have to pay for the laptop that was graduation and partially from my school and the car well that was needed and a piece of crap does not come across as present material to me. But my dad mentioned getting me something this year so there is hope. Ok so I am excited it is my birthday maybe I'll get lucky and find my vampire and convince him to freeze me forever at 21 so I can at least drink legally before going through all the pain it takes to become a vampire.

Yeah, so you think

Wouldn't one think that it would be an easy thing for a writer to do something they do a lot, about themselves. I mean every time I go to write anything I describe so much and in such good detail that I get the images I want to come out. So why is it so hard to describe myself? I mean every time someone asks me to describe myself I go blank. What do they want to know, what do I want them to know? Plus a million other questions run through my head making me think how to I do this, how to I describe myself. I just don't get what I should say, what I should tell them. It is all very confusing to me.

I am really into two post a day this month

I am done. My last final is complete and I now have a whole year off of school. Of course i will be working but it is for my parents and it is for what i want to do in life so even if it is stressful i think i can handle it. I am just really excited to not have to deal with learning anymore information that won't really help me, at least now i will be learning stuff to help me in my future. I just can't believe that this year is over. I will be 19 in just over two weeks and so much has happened in this first year of adulthood. It is really hard to mark years by physical year because for me in January my year is just a little over half way through, while in school i still have half of whatever grade i am in to complete and in real life i still have six months until i age a year, so news years for me is more of just a change of date then the start of anything new. I start my year in the summer closer to my birthday, that is the big change for me, that is when my clock of judgment starts again, that is when i really access what happened in the year and what i want to happen in the next. nothing changes for me before then, nothing about me physically really changes till my birthday. On that third day of June that is when I start over.