Good News

And I am going to be an aunt again. It would seem that my sister in law is pregnant again. She is in a state of shock as my nephew is only 9 months old. The baby is due sometime in March.

Addiction part I don't know cause I lost count

My latest addiction Rent and the new Glee songs. I have loved Rent for a while but have just recently gotten back into it. I been listening to the songs for a good couple weeks now and am thinking about watching it again soon.

I absolutely love the Glee Original songs they are very catchy. I have been listening to them since they came out after the episode aired.

Which brings me to the idea I have for another series. I like to sing but have not done that for a while and well I would vlog but I would rather write my thought then speak them I will however record myself singing and write the reason I like the song and why I chose it, not sure how many I will do or when the first will be up but it should be soon.

I also promise that my next post will be longer.

Oh my little brother's birthday was a week ago, he had a good time even though he had to go to school. And that was also Aidan's birthday. My sis-in-law and nephew are in Arkansas and I will be visiting them in April I am very excited about that Zander will be 5 months old.

I've been very busy

So I have had a really busy month. My brother and sister-in-law came to visit so we could give them a baby shower I am pretty sure I have said on here that my sis-in-law is expecting but if not I have now, it's a boy Alexander Vincent, of course will have pics when he is born in November. SO while they were here I was not at my computer and that was two weeks ago now, we went to Sea World, and then had the Shower the Sunday they were here it was fun but after there was some drama. See they had already been told they might not get to come because Liz, my sis-in-law, had been to the doctor the Monday before they were suppose to leave for spotting and abdominal pain, they ran test and since they had not heard anything when they were about to board the plane they came. She was fine and everything here, had a little trouble with her getting overheated and have low sugar at Sea World but nothing to bad, until Sunday after the shower when she fainted outside our house. We took her to the hospital and they said she was dehydrated they gave her fluids and said she was fine to head to Arkansas which was the next leg of their vacation and family visiting. Well her mom who had come for the shower was worried so she delayed leaving Austin a bit by stopping and eating before they left, this was Sunday night or technically very early Monday morning and I got a call from my brother asking how to get back to the hospital at 2:30am, handed him over to my mom and went to bed as I had to work the next day. She ended up having some bacterial infection, she was given a prescription and told to wait till the next day on continuing to Arkansas, they waited until that night and left, and didn't have any real problem other then it took six hours to get to Dallas instead of three which meant it took more then nine hours to get to Little Rock. She is okay now and in Arkansas but it was a very stressful crazy weekend.

I have also been working a lot and having much school work to do but I am on the last week of term and then I have a week off so that will be nice. and i think that is all I have for today will try to post more often.

I can't believe it

I know, I know it has been forever again but I just haven't had much going. I have pretty much just been going to work and doing my school stuff. Well my cousin did get married a month ago and we have set a date for my sister-in-law's baby shower. She and my brother will be here for about a week in August. Jon is in town again, saw him yesterday, said he would be here for a while so probably will see him again before he leaves. Um... Not much else going on. Oh, I quit my job at the daycare to start at a nanny agency, it should be fun, and easier as I will be dealing with less children. I want to do more work with my novel so I will be trying to find time to do that. And that's about it for now.

I feel I need to, and random bits

I really fell I need to post more often. I mean I look at my blog everyday to get to the blogs I read and I really do want to write more and this is my easiest form at the moment at least when it comes to people reading what I write. I've had quite a lot of reader lately and mostly form different countries. Now I do write in a journal type thing but I need to get another one for personal use because the one I have right now is for my exploration into Wicca. And even though that is a personal choice and issue I don't want to mix it with the on going thought I have about my day to day life that I do not wish to share with everyone well anyone for that matter.

Which brings me back to needing to post more. Or at least I feel I need to post more. I don't know I thinks it more I want to post more. For the last few days I've come to look for new post on the blogs I read and have thought to myself 'I need to post' I just finally did that today.

I am excited to say that I am reading for pleasure again, it's been a while and it feels good to escape into a world of fantasy. It makes me want to pick back up in writing my novel but when I just look at my time I have very little time for myself with work and school, and I'm still not in a place to be writing some of the sub-plots of my book, I need to be happier, not that I'm not happy, I'm just not happy enough. I'm also really tired and my brain goes all fuzzy when tired.

I was looking for paper the other day and found my journal for my senior year I didn't even remember writing some of the stuff and reading about things that happened some of it was like 'That happened? I can't believe I forgot about that" Wow what almost two years does to the memory.

I got my new car. That was an exciting experience. Have had it for about 3 weeks. It's an 07 Chevy Equinox. I LOVE IT! It is a dark gray and looks like the picture mostly, mines muddy from having a dirt driveway and it raining for the last three weeks.


On a sadder yet exciting note my older brother passed the test/training he needed to to be deployed. Which is good for his career but sad to think that he could be sent overseas to where it is not safe.

Well I know this had random jumps but it was what what on my mind and it felt good to write again.

What to Say, What to Say?

It's been a while since I posted, I was in Delaware visiting my brother and sister and law who I became very close to, and now I am working at my parents daycare center again and do not have much time to get on the interwebs much. I also have not been able to write much either, which irritates me, but I like to write from beginning to end and I'm at a point where I need to build the romantic relationship between the main character and her going to be lover but it is hard to do in my state of mind, I should have been writing it while I was with Jon but I was to preoccupied to at the time, so I either have to write another part or put it aside for a while, and I've decided to put it aside for a bit. When I have more time and I'm in a better state of mind I will pick it up again. It is still vividly in my head and I will get back to it and hopefully soon, I don't want to desert Emma and her world I just need time so I can be able to write the romantic mushy stuff without crying or breaking Emma's heart because that's not suppose to happen. I'll keep updating on here whenever something new happens, but for right now it is really time to get over my own personal heartbreak and truly move on with my life.

Delaware

I am in Delaware visiting my brother. my flight was long and I have been up since 7am yesterday. I would be asleep but we saw Inglorious Bastards and no one can go to sleep right after seeing that. Great movie loved it but oh my it is disturbing. Will be here till the 30th and plan on having a good time with my bro and sis in law.

Well Then

This month has been stressful and hard and haven't felt like writing either on my blog or my novel. I'm so tired and stressed and just don't want to deal with any thing. I am going to visit my bro in Delaware before I officially move and while I'm there we will be visiting our grandparents on my dad's side who we have not seen in 2 years. this should be an interesting trip. That is really all I can think to get out. Hopefully my brain will start working again soon and the writing juices will return.

July 4th and a long drive

I just spent over nine hours in a car driving from Texas to Arkansas we left Austin Area at about 10:30pm and hit Little Rock Air Force Base at about 8:00am. And what was this long drive for to see my big brother and bring him a ton of crap that he will need and or want once he moves to Dover in the next few weeks. I am exhausted I got very little sleep the night before we left going to bed around one and being woken up by my cat at 3am and then again at 5am I was not happy with her. And then we had many things to do and got no nap before leaving and got very little sleep on the way being stuck in a car. it was not fun not fun at all. So now I can't sleep and can't really think now cause of exhaustion.

So yeah I was a little Rash

I know I know two post same day again, but I wasn't really done with the first one, I had an exam to go take and on my way to said exam and before it started I had time to think, and I was hoping my other post would not have been commented on yet but hey this in a little bit of a response to the comment on it so it saves me from writing this twice. okay so that last post actually started as a poetic prose, that is what i writ if i am not writing a short story or novel, i use to be really good at poetry and was once published actually been published a couple times for poetry but the last two where more of the poetic prose you saw in a post earlier 'Blackness', anyways probably still good at it i just hate breaking things into verse so i go more paragraph format. So as i was typing my last post in a word document which i do not normally do it changed from just being a mash of emotions to a blog post that I felt I should share but to be honest even through i do feel that way a lot of the time I realized it is because it is summer, most people get depressed when it is cold and depressing outside but for me it happens well intensifies in the summer, why well best i can figure is because i have nothing to really distract me nothing that i really have to focus on, no learning to take the time and make that free time i have to think become a whole lot less, i kinda realized today that this is why it is really just hitting me now, I mean it has been two months since Jon disappeared and now is when I decide to break down, I mean i would have thought it would have happened sooner but before i had things like school and homework to distract me now yes I have my finals, well final now but i only really need the day of to study so until Saturday i have had totally free days, i had french today it is level 1 french and i took 4 years in high school no real need to study for today, so i have been reading, i enjoy reading and i have been reading the books that really got me into reading, the Twilight Saga, but with reading these books come reading about a very happy couple, which for me was not good, but i was thinking more helped me last year maybe will do the same this also thinking i was okay enough to read about that but I am not but i like the book to much not to read them all and i going for read them in four days which if i can finish Breaking Dawn sometime tonight then i will have successed in reading the Twilight Saga for my fourth time in four days which is a pretty cool thing. I was once in my life time suicidal I can't deny that I can't deny that those thought still don't cross my mind with all that is going on, I think about death a lot more when reading the Twilight Saga's and more now that I am almost nineteen the age the main character stops aging, oh how i wish that were really possible, but it will never make me make a rash decision to actually go through with it I could never i still see myself wanting more out of life then I have gotten in my almost 19 years, I want kids and a husband, it's not going to happen. No matter how out of it i get i could not do that to my little brother he needs me too much right now a reason i am not too upset that i have to move back home for a year because of this whole mess my life has become. I think i was being a little bit to dramatic earlier but hey what good writer isn't, I do appreciate the response it was helpful and just another reason to post so close together, I mean yes I am in a horrible situation right now and yes i am hurt and in pain but I want to try and publish Sleepless and I am not even close to finishing it so I will be around, I go through mood swings and I have been listening to Evanescence pretty much non stop because i can't really listen to happy music at the moment so i am more likely to let out the bad emotions but it is a good thing for me, having this blog to share my emotions even the bad is good for me, like I said in my last post I am very independent and it took me a very long time to tell my parents i was depressed they still don't even know the full extent i just don't want them to know, to worry, i don't need the worry, that is why this is helpful and my friend Jen because although i'm sure she worries about some of the things i tell her she is not going to show me that she is going to show me what i need and help me get through what ever it is that is going on at that time, it frustrates me right now that i haven't had a chance to really talk to her in a while I am going to have to fix that, i think it is part of the reason why i am writing more but the writing is sad and depressing and i haven't been able to really work on sleepless because it is an action pact sci-fi novel with a romantic twist built in and i just can't write about romance right now. I feel like Bella when Edward left her in New Moon but i didn't get a good bye and I am pretty sure my guy is not coming back so I can't look forward to the happy reunion that comes in the end of the book, but i don't live in a book so i really can't expect anything to happen, though i wish i could live in a book make life easier knowing it was all planed out, but i guess less fun, not knowing can be exciting but right now for me it sucks. I think i will be able to be myself a little better when i start to actually work for my parents, when i start the research and start having stuff to do everyday, plus being under the watch of my parents will at least help me keep control on how often and when i freak out and have a break down like i have had for the past couple days. I went out got some fresh air and was able to think more clearly, and again i am not saying my last post was just stress and an outburst i meant every word of it, it is just now as i think of it and the comment i got from it i felt i need to clear some things up and show that i can have some wicked mood swings into the deep dark depths of my depression, I should probably get some professional help and i may get to that it's just that whole independent thing again, I feel like to be myself i have to do it on my own even though rationally i know that that is ridicules that everybody need help sometimes and i should gets some if i feel like i need it. But i guess i am still in a wait and see phase, i want to give myself time and see how it helps. I don't know i am going to try my best to keep living life to the fullest and get over this hump, it will be a great thing to be able to put in a novel or something when i am in a better mood and over this, so i guess that is where i am really at hoping to get over this soon, though i will not push it i will let myself get over all the hurt and pain in the time that it needs.

Marriage

So my brother is officially married. Saturday was the day. April 4th is his and his new wife's anniversary. However they will be having several other ceremonies for the family and friends that were not allowed at this one. At least three. I will have to go to all three and any others they decide to have.

This one was nice very simple and quick. I got to spend a lot of time with my new sister-in-law, we get along very well.

i had more to say about this weekend but I am way too tired to think so when I get more sleep I will try again.

Spring Break

My spring break was okay. I took my little brother and some of his friends to Six Flags and we had a really fun time. Other then that I pretty much sat around and did nothing.

Jon should be back in California any day now so I should be able to talk to him soon. I have to talk to him about me going out there this summer for a bit and then about my move out there. Stuff has happened here in Texas that I want his opinion on.

That is pretty much it, but mostly cause I am very tired and stressed right now.

Japan now

Jon is now in Japan and will be there for about another week. They are done with whatever it was they were doing but now are just visiting Japan. I'm actually kinda of jealous I want to go to Japan one day and he loves it there. I think he is just excited that in the few weeks for working for EA that he gets to travel, I think this is his first time out of the US but I'm not sure will have to ask the next time I talk to him. I really just can't wait till I can talk to him on the phone again.

My little brothers birthday was on the 10th he turned 11 it was also Aidan's birthday he turned 3. I got Aidan a toy set of dinosaurs and nothing yet for my brother but three year olds are way easier to shop for. We are going out to dinner tonight for my little brother and I will be taking him to Six Flags on Wednesday.

I have this whole week off work and I am so looking forward to just be able to relax.

My older brother is getting married in April meaning I get to go to Maryland. I think it is so he can get his fiancee pregnant which is totally up to them, but he is still in training for another 12 weeks and they wont be able to be together.

My older cousin is allso getting married next year though. She is 21 and he is 48. I know I am dating someone older then me but only 6 years not over 20. I find it gross but I will be happy for her, if this is what she wants and will make her happy then she can have it.

...

I don't know what to post. My brother is in Maryland and is getting trained for public affairs. He has a 17&1/2 week program and then he will have about 25 days leave where he will get married have a honeymoon and move to what ever base he gets stationed at. He will be getting out of Tech school just as I finish up this semester. By then I will know if I am staying in Texas or moving to California. I realized that it will be about the time I get ready to register for classes that Jon and I will have to decide where we are taking our relationship. I don't like the stress and it has been really hard on me to know that Jon is leaving soon. I don't really know how to deal with any of this and I am not handling it well. i am trying to live one day at a time it it is a really hard thing to do when my brain is going 100 thoughts a minute and I just want it to stop.

EA wins

Sony came back saying that they could not match or do any better then what they had already offered so Jon is now a proud member of the EA Games family. We still have no clue when he is moving he is now waiting on more details.

I will be leaving for San Antonio in a little bit getting to see my brother for the first time in two months. Funny thing is he sent me a letter to my dorm but I had already moved back to my parents for the break and did not get it until yesterday, Jon says I fail. Which yes at checking my mail I do.

And that is it for now.

What a Day

So classes started today and I only had one at eight this morning. It was French I have it everyday, but it is the only class I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays so if I do my homework for the class right after the class I am done with school on Tuesdays and Thursdays by ten. I work on Tuesdays now so I really just get a break between school and work but on Thursdays when I don't work all that time I will have, and what will I do with it. Most likely sleep, or get stuff for other classes done, I will just have to see how productive I feel. Although tomorrow and Mondays and Fridays and also all the Wednesdays this Semester I will have four classes staring with French and ending at two with Geography of Latin America at two, with Astronomy and Fundamentals of Acting in the middle. Really thinking about it and typing it out makes it feel a whole lot less stressful then last semester, I'm thinking I will have a really fun semester.

I leave tomorrow for San Antonio to see my big bro graduate from Air Force Basic Training and to possibly get married. No one in the Austin area knows what is really going to happen with the wedding, it is one mass of confusion.

Jon lost a co-worker who was a good friend to him, to suicide, on Wednesday of last week, but because of a dental appointment he had Thursday he did not find out about it until yesterday. I didn't get to see him but when I was talking to him he sounded so out of it, I felt really bad that he had to go through this so close to such a good life change in his life. Which last i heard EA was up to 60k a year plus moving expenses and the whatever it would cost for Jon to break his lease here in Texas. I guess we are waiting to hear what Sony offers to that and then he should be making hid decision on which company he will be working for, he would prefer EA so lets all just hope that Sony wont offer anymore then the 58k they are already at.

That would be it for now, cause life just keeps going.

Sadness

My brother leaves Sunday and today was the last day I will see him for two and a half months. We spent the day together and he meet Jon, but I can't believe that he will be gone for so long, and I wont be able to talk to him for so long. Today was a good day but a sad day. I'm going to miss him even if it is just for two months, it's just the start nest it will be off to tech school and then he will be stationed somewhere, never thought anyone in my family would join the military, it is a sad day.

I also happen to be getting sick, Jon gave it to me, it sucks, I have to make it through work this weekend and I work next Wednesday because it's the day before Thanksgiving and my store will be extremely busy, which sucks. Plus i am exhausted and have been for the past few days.

All in all today was a sad day.

Other then I saw Twilight, not as good as the book, but worth seeing.

Perspective

I am no longer mad at Jon. Why you ask, well my older brother who is the person I am closest to in my actual family is being shipped off to basic as he enters the Air Force. When? The 25th of this month two days before Thanksgiving. I found out on my last break at work tonight, I couldn't believe it he wasn't suppose to go till February/March and now he leave in about a week. What's worse is that right now he is in Arkansas visiting his fiancee, which is good for him but it means he will be with my family for only four days before leaving again and because i no longer live with my family I will only get to see him one more time next Friday when we have a fake Thanksgiving with him before he leaves. All this really made me see the perspective of why I was mad at Jon, yes he was a jackass and said and did some jackass things on Saturday but he is 24 and can go out and drink, I mean he is six years older then me what did I really expect. But I was also mad at him for a pretty foolish and stupid reason so I had to just let it go. My friend/manager, when I told her this as I was leaving work, asked how I was so grown up, she said that was not a typical 18 year-old response, and she's probably right most other 18 year-olds would continue to be pissed and not forgive so quickly but I've never been a teenager I've always been mentally older then my actual age, why I'm dating someone that many years older then me. It made me feel good to hear my friend say that, she is 27 and hearing it from her meant a lot, I mean it is a more adult thing to do and I can see that, but again as I said I've never really been a teen so it's normal for me, I will get pissed at someone for a stupid reason and then just give me a day, or sometime to think, or shock me into reality and I will forgive, I won't forget, but I'll forgive.

My parents invited Jon to our fake Thanksgiving, not sure if he will go or not, I think he's scared to meet them, if I were him I would be. But I'm trying to get him to go not that I'm really ready to introduce him to my rents it has only been a month but I don't think I will be able to see him this week if he doesn't come to the fake Thanksgiving. I've left it up to him, it's his choice, I won't force him to go. That's what I'm saying and I'm sticking to it.

And this is my 12th post this month which means that I will definitely pass the 12 post mark set by myself in the first two months I had this blog. YAY!


**Update my bro actually leaves the 23rd, found that out yesterday. :(

I can Eat Again

So I can eat now, it's still painful but at least I'm getting nutrition. I think yesterday I ate like once and for awhile today all I had eaten was a smoothie. Tongue piercings hurt, and make your tongue swell, but are so worth it in the end. at least in my opinion.

My older brother is visiting his fiancee lets all hope he doesn't get her pregnant. I should have given him that condom I won in call the other day, oh well I guess we have to just wait and see what happens.