Bad Habits and Other Things

I have had some very bad habits as of late. I have wanted to post for a while but have kept pitting it off. I have had stuff to post but just couldn't get myself to post. I think part of it is because I have been pretty busy but for me that is no excuse since I do sit in front of my computer for hours a day if it be on facebook or hulu watching TV shows I missed, if I have time to do that I have time to post on here. But still I procrastinate on posting.

A lot has been going on. My cousin is getting married in less then a month and I went to her bridal shower last Sunday. It was fun. It did not serve its intended purpose though. My cousin had not wanted her mother or my mother there so that I could get to know some people so that I would not only know family at her wedding, well here mother cried and ended up going which meant my mother had to go for language control on my aunt, see my cousin who just turned 22 is marring a man who I believe is 50 I'm not positive on his age I just know he is closer to my dad's age then mine. Well the rest of the family can clearly see that she loves him and even though we worry about her know that she has made the choice and is happy with it. So we leave it at that. I got to go shopping with her to get dresses for the wedding and the rehearsal and that was fun other then the shoes I was wearing killed my left heal, but got new ones and I'm all set for the wedding.

I have a baby shower to go to today. A co-worker is due in April and so it is that time. She is my age and there was a lot of stress and drama in the beginning but now everyone has accepted it and are ready to welcome Makayla, but since it is the director's son's girlfriend that is due I'm sure you can see why there was drama. Both parents work at the center. It should be fun.

Now this part is what I've really been debating about posting. I use to post most things about this but I was unsure for a while now weather I should. I finally deiced that I would. It does however show another bad habit. You all know my ex disappeared and then ended up moving to Japan, well he has visited Austin quite often since then. First time I knew about was the July after when I was still in a deep dark depression. Then he came to Oklahoma/Austin for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He came for a few weeks in January. And he just recently has come for SXSW. Well while he was here for that long two month span we hung out once. It was at his place there was drinking involved we did stuff we shouldn't and I had been confused about it ever since. I tried to talk to him about what happen but that didn't help and I pretty much just left it. I didn't email or text him and I had no plan to do so anytime in the future. Well he texted me the weekend of my cousin's shower. It was Saturday morning I had nothing to do. At first it was just this and that about him being stranded the night before but then he invited me over to hang. It was early but I didn't have any else to do so I went. It stated off all innocent. I sat on one side of the couch he sat on the other we caught up on what was happening in each others lives as we semi watched TV. Then we decided to watch a movie. I went and picked Zombieland. Once the movie was in he pulled me onto his lap, well since he was laying down I was really just laying on top of him. Well we watched the movie, during it he playfully fake but my neck, but he did kiss me at some point during it and there was some inappropriate touching on his part. Well after the movie stuff happened that probably shouldn't have and even though I knew I should be stopping it I didn't. After this happening twice, once in December and once a week ago I can see it happening every time that I see him as long as I'm not with someone else. It is a bad habit that I really should not get caught up in. But he still makes me feel good when I'm with him and some of the things he say are confusing as hell. We were talking about how I had gotten hot as in I felt overly warm the last time I had seen him since I was really drunk at the time, well he then said 'you're always hot' which is a nice compliment but it confuses things, now not saying that I don't still find him attractive I do and always will but I never verbalize and he does. Then I was telling him how my cat woke me up during a dream that I did not want to be woken form because it was a dirty dream and a very good one, he asked if it was about him and when I said no he asked 'why are you having dirty dreams about other people you should only have them about me" We have been broken up for almost a year now I could be dating someone else so that was really weird too to hear him say that. It like he wasn't ready but he was the one who ended the relationship. I was dished a whole lot of confusion and I don't know how to handle it.

Weekly Winners March 1-6

First time doing this and all the pictures are really from the 6th.

Climbing High


Yay! Presents


Sandcastle Building


A Boy's Way of Fun


Can't Ever get it Right

So I don't leave February on a sad note

I only have two weeks left till next term, I got many transfer credits from UT to Kaplan. The US won overall metal count with 37 plus an excellent and exciting Gold Metal Hockey game today between Canada and the US, and I do not watch Hockey I am a American Football/Football(soccer) fan. And in general things are going well. Going to Roundrock next weekend to Aidan his birthday present even though his fourth birthday is not till the 10th.

Now for some pictures.



My spastic cat.


Little Aidan

Sadness

Today was a stressful day. A long day. A horrible day. A very very sad day.

It all started like normal. Wake up whenever because is was Sunday. Eat breakfast. Do some school work. Grandparents and Aunts came over, the normal Sunday.

Then all of a sudden I hear screaming and crying, and by then I was watching a movie on my computer. I go downstairs to see what is going on and I see pretty much the whole family leaving. I ask my little brother what is going on and he says that our dog attacked my aunt's dog. Now we keep them separated because we knew he is aggressive, but when my aunt was coming inside she didn't realize that our dog was there and he bolted out the dog and got a hold of her dog. She was dead minutes after he got her but they rushed her to the vet anyways.

I got this all when my grandparents came inside and then I proceeded to follow my parents up to bring my grandparent to be with my aunt. When we got there we knew she was dead and they were filling out the paper work to get her cremated.

We then had to go to a clinic for my aunt because we were pretty sure our dog had also broken her finger while she was trying to get him to let go of her dog.

Right now we are keeping my cat on even tighter lock down from the dog as he spends his last night with us. Tomorrow my parents are taking him to be put down. It is sad in many ways. One he killed my aunts dog. Two she didn't want us to put our dog down but we have to he killed another dog and hurt my aunt. Three he is only five. But he has to suffer the consequences for doing what he did. My little brother is so sad because it was more of his dog then anyone elses. My dad is upset that our dog did what he did. And everyone is sad about what happened. It was a hard day today. And it is going to be a hard couple of weeks.

I am posting twice because I had the other post in drafts for a few days as I was trying to give my blog a new style and while my computer was getting debugged.

Reading

The last couple weeks I have read a lot and I mean A LOT. And no not things I should be reading meaning not my text book for school. Now I have A's in both the classes I'm taking so to me it is not a big deal to be reading for fun. I have read five books in just about two weeks. For me this is good and really only took that long because I didn't have as much time to read when I got to the last book. But anyways I've been reading books and blogs and gaining ideas left and right for my own writing. I think I mentioned in my last post that I found my journal from my senior year of high school and although that was only two years ago(wow it just hit me that I have been out of high school for two years) I found the beginnings of my current novel and some very very dark writing that I had written in the whole high school sucks I am all alone thing I was going through. Now the beginning of my novel actually has nothing to do with my novel it was a story I wrote for creative writing that as I tried to turn it into a novel it took a nasty turn and I had to stop.

Now that being said I would love to share it but it is not on this computer it is on my dead one sad I know, it would be very long type for right now. But I have shorter pieces that I am going to share over the next few blog posts.

The first is a short, very short, writing about something backwards it was published in the high school's literary magazine.

Ssecop Gnitirw

The pen on the table is picked up; the cap is removed and brought to the bottom of the page. Moving from right to left words are taken from the page. The scribbles disappear along with the comas, periods, semi-colons, question marks, explanation points, and smudges. Letter by letter words disappear. Half way through the author stops to think. Then again the pen is brought back mid-page and from right to left words disappear. Closer and closer to the top of the page soon only the title remains. The author stops and thinks the title disappears from right to left letter by letter. Another pause the blank paper sitting there the pen in his mouth. The idea is there the concept is good. More time elapses and the idea starts to fade then fully disappears and is gone. The writing process begins.

I feel I need to, and random bits

I really fell I need to post more often. I mean I look at my blog everyday to get to the blogs I read and I really do want to write more and this is my easiest form at the moment at least when it comes to people reading what I write. I've had quite a lot of reader lately and mostly form different countries. Now I do write in a journal type thing but I need to get another one for personal use because the one I have right now is for my exploration into Wicca. And even though that is a personal choice and issue I don't want to mix it with the on going thought I have about my day to day life that I do not wish to share with everyone well anyone for that matter.

Which brings me back to needing to post more. Or at least I feel I need to post more. I don't know I thinks it more I want to post more. For the last few days I've come to look for new post on the blogs I read and have thought to myself 'I need to post' I just finally did that today.

I am excited to say that I am reading for pleasure again, it's been a while and it feels good to escape into a world of fantasy. It makes me want to pick back up in writing my novel but when I just look at my time I have very little time for myself with work and school, and I'm still not in a place to be writing some of the sub-plots of my book, I need to be happier, not that I'm not happy, I'm just not happy enough. I'm also really tired and my brain goes all fuzzy when tired.

I was looking for paper the other day and found my journal for my senior year I didn't even remember writing some of the stuff and reading about things that happened some of it was like 'That happened? I can't believe I forgot about that" Wow what almost two years does to the memory.

I got my new car. That was an exciting experience. Have had it for about 3 weeks. It's an 07 Chevy Equinox. I LOVE IT! It is a dark gray and looks like the picture mostly, mines muddy from having a dirt driveway and it raining for the last three weeks.


On a sadder yet exciting note my older brother passed the test/training he needed to to be deployed. Which is good for his career but sad to think that he could be sent overseas to where it is not safe.

Well I know this had random jumps but it was what what on my mind and it felt good to write again.

What to do, What to do

I work at a childcare center. I love my job it is fun. We are having a mass birthday party for all our January birthdays, we have four. One of the children in my class is allergic to peanuts and eggs. Well he happens to be one of the children who's birthday is in January so it wouldn't be fair to have the party on a day he was not there. So now the fun to find an eggless cake recipe so that he can enjoy a birthday cake. I think I have found on but I have never baked anything that didn't have egg in it. I just hope it all goes well because I want all the children to enjoy the party. I have never had to deal with an allergy like this before, though the child is very aware of his allergy and asks if he can eat something if he has not had it before and does not know if it has egg in it or not. I think my biggest worry is that the children wont like the cake. I just don't know we will see how it goes.