Friday, June 26, 2009

The years go By

So much has happened to me this year. About this time two years ago I was in a lot of trouble, not with the law or anything but I could have been. I had an eating disorder and ate nothing for two weeks straight and then went to babysit for Aidan everything was fine nothing happened I feed him dinner and put him to bed. I had my mom's car cause at the time I had no car of my own and my parents didn't really care what time I got home cause it was summer and I had no school. I still don't really know why I didn't eat for those two weeks but I do know why I started eating again. Nothing went wrong while Aidan was awake but once he went to bed I fell asleep on their couch but only for about an hour because his mom got home. Now I had been pretty good friends with his mother for a while at this point I mean I was barely 17 and she trusted me with he completely I had picked him up from daycare because she was working late and her soon to be husband was out of town. When she got home and woke me up to leave I could not really move, my legs felt like jello and I knew it was not safe for me to drive. Jen made me eat a granola bar and drink some power aid but my body could not process it fast enough to be able to let me drive safely. I spent the night and in the morning and then later on another time after I had babysat we talked about what happened that night. At that point in my life I wanted nothing to do with my parents but I was stuck I still had a year of high school and it wasn't like I could just move out. Jen was what got me eating again she had to make sure her son would be safe and he was something I wanted to keep safe too and didn't want to just out of his life so for Aidan and Jen I began eating again and just going on with my life.

About this time last year I was in an even worst place even though I was about to go to college and be on my own I had never had a relationship and I was scared. I was in a bad place mentally and knew I needed help but was to proud to get it. It took me till October to get help and by then I knew and was dating Jon. He helped me get through a lot of stuff. Now he is gone and I would say I am in a worse place then last year just a more confusing one. I am over Jon for the most part but I am still left with questions and Jon is the only one who can answer them. So I'm left waiting which I am so very used to but I still feel in this weird place which is seeming like a normal thing that is going to happen summer after summer, well hopefully just while I'm living with my parents.


Dina said...

I'm glad you have Aiden's mom in your life. I'm glad you started eating again.