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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Bad Habits and Other Things

I have had some very bad habits as of late. I have wanted to post for a while but have kept pitting it off. I have had stuff to post but just couldn't get myself to post. I think part of it is because I have been pretty busy but for me that is no excuse since I do sit in front of my computer for hours a day if it be on facebook or hulu watching TV shows I missed, if I have time to do that I have time to post on here. But still I procrastinate on posting.

A lot has been going on. My cousin is getting married in less then a month and I went to her bridal shower last Sunday. It was fun. It did not serve its intended purpose though. My cousin had not wanted her mother or my mother there so that I could get to know some people so that I would not only know family at her wedding, well here mother cried and ended up going which meant my mother had to go for language control on my aunt, see my cousin who just turned 22 is marring a man who I believe is 50 I'm not positive on his age I just know he is closer to my dad's age then mine. Well the rest of the family can clearly see that she loves him and even though we worry about her know that she has made the choice and is happy with it. So we leave it at that. I got to go shopping with her to get dresses for the wedding and the rehearsal and that was fun other then the shoes I was wearing killed my left heal, but got new ones and I'm all set for the wedding.

I have a baby shower to go to today. A co-worker is due in April and so it is that time. She is my age and there was a lot of stress and drama in the beginning but now everyone has accepted it and are ready to welcome Makayla, but since it is the director's son's girlfriend that is due I'm sure you can see why there was drama. Both parents work at the center. It should be fun.

Now this part is what I've really been debating about posting. I use to post most things about this but I was unsure for a while now weather I should. I finally deiced that I would. It does however show another bad habit. You all know my ex disappeared and then ended up moving to Japan, well he has visited Austin quite often since then. First time I knew about was the July after when I was still in a deep dark depression. Then he came to Oklahoma/Austin for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He came for a few weeks in January. And he just recently has come for SXSW. Well while he was here for that long two month span we hung out once. It was at his place there was drinking involved we did stuff we shouldn't and I had been confused about it ever since. I tried to talk to him about what happen but that didn't help and I pretty much just left it. I didn't email or text him and I had no plan to do so anytime in the future. Well he texted me the weekend of my cousin's shower. It was Saturday morning I had nothing to do. At first it was just this and that about him being stranded the night before but then he invited me over to hang. It was early but I didn't have any else to do so I went. It stated off all innocent. I sat on one side of the couch he sat on the other we caught up on what was happening in each others lives as we semi watched TV. Then we decided to watch a movie. I went and picked Zombieland. Once the movie was in he pulled me onto his lap, well since he was laying down I was really just laying on top of him. Well we watched the movie, during it he playfully fake but my neck, but he did kiss me at some point during it and there was some inappropriate touching on his part. Well after the movie stuff happened that probably shouldn't have and even though I knew I should be stopping it I didn't. After this happening twice, once in December and once a week ago I can see it happening every time that I see him as long as I'm not with someone else. It is a bad habit that I really should not get caught up in. But he still makes me feel good when I'm with him and some of the things he say are confusing as hell. We were talking about how I had gotten hot as in I felt overly warm the last time I had seen him since I was really drunk at the time, well he then said 'you're always hot' which is a nice compliment but it confuses things, now not saying that I don't still find him attractive I do and always will but I never verbalize and he does. Then I was telling him how my cat woke me up during a dream that I did not want to be woken form because it was a dirty dream and a very good one, he asked if it was about him and when I said no he asked 'why are you having dirty dreams about other people you should only have them about me" We have been broken up for almost a year now I could be dating someone else so that was really weird too to hear him say that. It like he wasn't ready but he was the one who ended the relationship. I was dished a whole lot of confusion and I don't know how to handle it.

1 comments:

Dina said...

That DOES sound confusing. I wouldn't know what to think.

Maybe he's confused himself. You know...sometimes that happens.