Blackness

Two post one night, wow too bad they are both depressing. Oh well I wrote something very similar to this last year about this time. If I find the thing from last year I will post it to compare. I just wrote this and it is well yeah not real, just a creative outlet for my emotions.

The streets are empty I see no one. I only feel the cold, hard, wet rain on my skin; my cloths clinging to my body. The tears mixing with the rain, taste salty and acidy, stale and sweet. My bare feet hit the pavement with a thud. They hurt but I don’t care, why should I care, nobody cares. My hair hits my face; it’s cold and smells of the stale air. My lungs begin to burn; I push myself more and run faster my feet pounding against the cold, hard, wet pavement. The ringing in my ears is too much I clasp my hands over them hoping to make it go away but of course it does not go away, the ringing is in my head, it is with me where ever I go, it will never go away.
Then bam the people in the streets are looking at me; staring at the crazy person running in the rain with no shoes and barely any clothes, soaked to the core from the constant down pour of rain. They all have umbrellas, they all are normal, they all are love, and they all have someone to care about them. The people came from nowhere they had not been there before, the ringing brought the people but the ringing is gone and the people are here. I can’t make sense of it; I don’t understand what is happening. I want the people to go away, I want them to stop staring, to stop looking like they care, they don’t care, NOBODY cares, no one knows. They just stare the people all they do is stare. STOP! I yell but no one seems to hear me, they just keep staring. GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! But still no they don’t listen they just keep staring. I close my eyes and keep running, just running, if they won’t stop staring I won’t look at them. The ringing is back, what is this damn ringing.
The colors are pretty as I climb the mountain. The greens and browns and blues and whites and purples and reds all the reds. I feel the cold hard earth under my feet, it feels oddly like the pavement but I know it is not, it is the earth the side of the mountain I am climbing. I see grass up ahead I want to feel the soft grass under my feet. The rain still pours down on me. I stop to feel the soft green wet grass. I close my eyes and look up to the sky.
The people are back. Those stupid evil people, but now they are looking up at me, my mountain is gone and I am on a building of the city I had run through. How did I get here, I do not remember, why can’t I remember. I don’t like it here I don’t want to be here. I look back up to the dark grey sky eyes open letting the rain hit my face.
My mountain is back the people are gone, I am alone again, safe from the glaring eyes. The grass feels so soft. I look back up to the sky eyes closed and start to spin, spin, spin. The colors’ come back and I continue to spin. I do not get dizzy I just keep spinning, spinning, and spinning.
I hear people shout NO STOP! I stop spinning and I am back on the building the people under me looking up looking worried. They can’t be worried, they don’t care. Yet they keep saying NO DON’T JUMP!, what do they care, they don’t care. I begin to spin again.
I spin and spin and spin and spin. I just keep spinning letting the rain hit my skin, hit my clothes, and hit my soul. I could spin forever, I will spin forever.
I am close to the edge of the building. The people get louder but I don’t listen.
I and on top of the mountain just spinning spinning spinning. I go to the edge and spin off.
I am falling. I hear music. I see colors. I feel rain and wind. I hear people yelling NOOOOOOOOOO! I want the music back it comes back. The colors are so pretty. The music so loud and peaceful. I am ready for this I have been ready for this. The spinning the falling mixes into one. I am falling. I am spinning. I am dying. I am happy. I am safe. It is over. The people voices fade in and out. The music gets louder.
I am falling. I am falling. I am falling. I see the ground, the pavement the earth it is all mixed I don’t know which world I am in anymore. All I know is that I am falling. And then it all stops, the falling the spinning the music, the people, all of it, everything, it is all gone.
Everything goes black. Everything stops. It is all over now. Everything is black.
Everything is black.