Emptyness

I am dreaming of a better place, of a better time, of a better me. I am drifting through this world, through the good, through the bad, through the neutral. I see all, but feel nothing. I hear all, but can’t speak a word. My life has become a blur and nothing seems to matter. I lost my love and can’t seem to forget him. I don’t want him to go away, I want him back, I want him to be mine, and I just plain want him. I hate him for disappearing, and I hate him for leaving, and right now I just plain hate him, but I want him back so much. I am finding it really hard to live without know where he is or if he is okay. I have no distraction; there is nothing to distract me from this. No one can take the hurt away. I need him back, I want him back. I hate myself for trying to move on, I can’t really move on; no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to let him go, to let my feeling for him go. I’ve tried so hard to move on but I just can’t; I can’t get over this, I can’t move on. I feel myself being pulled into a dark place, a place that I know, a place that I don’t want to go back to, a place that he brought me out of, a place that he is sending me back to, a place that is horrible, a place that will one day be the death of me. I want to move on, I want to get over this, I want to live again, I want so much. I just can’t seem to find the happiness I once had, the happiness that not so long ago was with, the happiness that I had not had for long. I am giving up on everything for now, I just can’t take anymore hurt, anymore pain. I am letting the darkness take control, I am letting the hurt and pain control, I am letting it all just take me away.