I did It

I beat my post from last year with this one it's 63 to the 59 from last year. So yay!

And that is all, till midnight anyways.

Peace.

Addiction part 4

The latest addiction is Rugrats, O watched it as a kid and now I can watch it on Netflix. It is a nice thing to watch when recovering from teeth removal, comforting and reminds me of childhood. Okay I know these are normally longer but my mouth still hurts so this is all for now.

Peace.

The teeth are out

And my mouth fucking hurts. I hate that I can feel the pain, it sucks.

Continuation of addictions part 3

So this is going to short and sweet. My family is now also addicted to Dead Like Me.

That is all.

Peace.

Also A Happy Birthday

Also today is my dad's 50th Birthday, So a Happy Birthday to him, although he is not allowed to read the blog.

Peace

Addictions part 3

So my next addiction has come and gone, well not really gone but anyway. It is a show called Dead Like Me. This show only lasted 2 seasons, 24 episodes and a movie. It is an awesome show with the word fuck said a lot and when I say a lot I mean more times then you can count per episode. I said it is gone because I have in the last few days watched all episodes and the movie. But it is still an addiction, and yes it is another one about death. As it is a show about Grim Reapers. I'm am sad it only lasted what it lasted but that is TV for you. I have other addictions ready to write about but I am sticking to one per post. So back to Dead Like Me. I fucking love it, it has made me want to say the word fuck a whole lot more. Which I cuss but not a lot since I work with a child but anyways it really has me wanting to use the word fuck more.

I do have to say I hate what they did with the movie, not the plot or anything that happened, but a casting choice. They changed one of the main characters and the persons the choice looked nothing like the original and that sucked balls. I mean I get that you can't always get that actor for something like that but okay so they had a new boss I betting because the original couldn't do the movie but they made a new character and I think that is what they should have done for the one that they kept the Character but changed the actor it pissed me the fuck off and I'm sure it did the same many other fans. The original had a way with the role she was the role and the impostor was fatter,uglier, and couldn't pull the character off it really sucked ass and was so fucking irritating. As you can see fuck is the word of the post but really I am just being true to the addiction, because seriously there was a line that went fuck you fuck fuck fucker fuck fuck fuck, and I'm not kidding Reapers cuss like no shit, watch one episode and you would see why fuck would want to become a more used word in your vocab.

This being said netflix is the best as it lets me watch this stuff and get my TV addictions.

So Dead Like Me a fucking awesome show that makes one want to use the word fuck a whole lot more then they currently do.

And that my friends is my addiction for the time being so until next time, Peace.

Stuff

So part three really is coming, maybe later today.

In other things, I have until Jan 4 to get my school work for the week done, which is pretty cool. Oh and I only have to work two days this week, but that is because I am getting my wisdom teeth out on Thursday.

And really that is all for now.

Peace.

Merry Christmas

And Happy Holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas.

Busy

Had a very busy day and still didn't get all that I needed to get done done, with a long work day tomorrow it should be interesting.

oh and addictions part 3 will be coming soon.

Peace.

Things

My dad is home has been since like 5.

B took a four and a half hour nap, which was awesome. And then her mom brought me dinner.

That's all for now.

Peace.

My Dad

My dad went to the hospital today, he is fine and should stay that way but they made him stay overnight so they can run some test in the morning, though he did go at 1:30 this afternoon but hey that is a hospital for you, plus my mom thinks the fact that we have good insurance is part of why they are keeping him.

peace.

Yes!

Was a close game but Pats won 31-27. Big sigh of relief there at the end but it is all good with a win.

Peace.

Football

Pats v Packers tonight, hoping for another Pats win. Another post after the game with the final score is very likely if Pats win.

So GO Pats!

And that's all I have to say for now. Peace.

Had a good time

Yes the party was fun and yes this post is short and is being made in the hopes of reaching my posting goal for the year.

That's it. Peace.

Party

I had to work today, but B was great in a good mood all day, and despite the lack of a real nap it was a fun and not bad day.

Now I get to go to a party, which will be a lot of fun.

So Peace.

Random bits

So we are getting a tree today. My little brother is insisting that it happen today so it is going to.

Hopefully we will make it to Home Depot to get wood to build a block so the spaz cat can't get under my bed anymore I am sick of having to move the bed or wait for her to come out.

I work tomorrow and then get to go to the Daycare's annual Christmas party should be a fun, long, but fun day.

I think I am going to work on Sleepless and the suicide book that is title less at the same time as last night I thought of a good first chapter and want to get working on it while still getting Sleepless finished.

B's mom loved what we made and now we get to make one for her grandma.

And I think that it for now, well it's all I can think of right now so, Peace.

Spaz Cat

So I have a cat and she is the most spastic cat on earth. She goes out during the day and is in at night. She attacks my feet and many other body parts. She is fat as she not only eats the dry food I give here but also any and all small creature she can kill when outside. Add in a puppy that also lives in the house is my cat is one big ball of spaz, though she does have the puppy trained to her control, for the most part. Anyways Callie, her name though really her name is Callika but that is weird to say, is a spaztastic cat crazy spaztastic, but she is an awesome cat so I keep her.

Time goes on

I realized today that Christmas is next week. Of course like every year my family still has no tree, the plan is to get is Friday, but we have been known to get it three days or so before Christmas, we are bad at getting trees.

Tomorrow I have to go into work early so I am going to take B to the center then we will go swimming at the Y and then we will go decorate things to give to here parents for Christmas/Hanukkah, and yes I know Hanukkah is over but we are decorating a picture frame that is half Christmas and half Hanukkah. B is in a mixed religion family and they still have the Hanukkah decorations up so yeah we are doing Hanukkah stuff to.

And now I have My thoughts have stopped so till later. Peace.

Addictions part deux

So a musical addiction this time, and that would be Evanescence. I got hooked on them way back in middle school and had not listen to them in a while when travel they came up on my mp3 player and now it is all I want to listen to. It has broken my Paramore addiction, which I have had for a good two years now I sure a break is okay, plus I have a huge playlist in Zune that has both and many other random songs I like to listen to, but right now I am listening to the Evanescence playlist and probably will for a while.

It is dark music that I actually got into in a not so dark part of my life things where about to go dark but I didn't know that, maybe that is why I was drawn to it, as I was only two years away from high school which is what started some of the darkest years of my so far short life. Which that story is for another post as those sad days were not an addiction.

I think I have come back to them for the dark aspect. Although I don't want Sleepless to get too dark it has its dark aspects and well to help get me back into dark places dark music is a must. I listened to this when I read a book called Cut, it was about cutting, I think I listened to this whenever I'm reading a dark book. But anyways it will definitely be on the playlist when I write the Suicide book.

I just took a look around my room which hasn't changed much since high school and I can count the dark elements of my decorating. My room is weird I think it would be hard to tell what I was like just by looking at it, though then again I guess it could tell a whole lot about who I am/was like I said hasn't changed since high school.

Anyways yes I am addicted to dark music. I love it makes it easier to write sometime, though I haven't tried writing to it recently. Which I think is what I am going to go do.

Till later. Peace.

A title escapes me

So first off I will be posting a lot in the next few weeks. I am trying to post at least as many post as last year and I need to post daily and possible twice daily to get that done, I slacked too much this year and now have to rush to catch up. Why? Because it would bug me if I dropped in posts from last year to this year when I gained in post from 08 to 09 so I feel I at least need to post the same from 09 to 10 if not more I will have to see if I can keep the focus and have enough good material which I think I will with x-mas my dad's b-day and my addition post.

In other news I have decided that after I finish Sleepless or maybe even while working on it I will be writing the Suicide book as it will be called until I come up with a actual title for me. The title of this post has nothing to do with the lack of title for this book, it just kinda happened.

Okay now to go write a post that will actually be published later, I know I never do that but the idea for addition part 2 just came to me and I have to write it now before I forget so be on the look out for it tomorrow.

Peace

I just remembered

I just remembered that I said I would try to post more pics so here some are.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sis-in-law Liz.

Addictions part 1

As I go through life I see something mostly on TV and then become addicted to it, this time it is the show Bones. I have watched Bones for a while now so it is really not a relatively new addiction but in the last few weeks I have watched/am watching every episode available on Netfilx. Before Bones it was Roswell, which sparked an idea for another novel, Bones did not do that as although I like murder mysteries I could not write something like that, although I have discovered that I write dark really well, maybe I'll write a novel on suicide, like a collection of different people committing suicide each chapter being the story of how that person got from living life to killing themselves, it would be really dark but not the first book about suicide as I read one about two years ago called Th3rteen R3ason Why, it was good, sad, but good. I say that because this post was about how good of a dark writer I am and the post it was on was a short prose of the experience of someone committing suicide. So writing multiple of those with more back story and detail could be an interesting thing for me. Maybe my addictions to a show about death and murder is bringing up the dark part of me, I know I am good at writing dark things so I know I should pursue that, but Sleepless is actually going well right now and of what I have written although I notice a dark undertone it is not a dark story everyone that has heard about it or read it has found it to be good and interesting. I love my dark writing but I also love my not so dark writing.

I do have to say that I think I am addicted to the dark writing more, because I am thinking of adding some darker elements into Sleepless, not for sure but seeing where the writing takes me.

On a different note I will be posting more pics of my nephew Zander asap and possibly tomorrow.

Oh this is also going to be a series of post about things I have become addicted to, weather they be books, TV shows, or other things.

Cuteness Update

I was watching the beginning of the Pats Jets game at work waiting for B's parents which meant B was watching it with me. Well something good happened, just a good play no score or nothing and I shot my hands up and said yes very loudly and I look down and B has her hands up too it was so cute, no pic was taken but even if there was I wouldn't put it here since she is not my kid, but anyways it was the cutest thing I have seen her do in a while.

I don't normally do this kind of post.

As the title says I don't normally do posts like the one I am now writing(I post after I draft, thus part of the reason for the last post) so why am I now, I don't really know I just felt like, what is this post that I would not normally do, well you're going to just have to keep reading to find out but it won't be too much longer before I get to the point.

Okay so my point, right you want that now. Well let me start with giving a little background on why I don't normally do this type of post, well I don't like confrontation so I try to not rock the boat. I have my views and will express them with my family but I don't even share all my views with them and being my family they can at times gleam what I feel and or how I feel about something, well I am going to share some of my views here today and not everyone my understand or agree with them, that being said remember my last post no ugliness or rude/hurtful comments, state your opinion and be kind to all any ugly or rude comment will not be posted.

So I read today an article on yahoo about ads for atheists and christens, talking about this and that and hoe there is an atheist ad campaign that happens to be running during Christmas. Well I am neither and atheist or a christen, I really don't know what I am. My parents think and say I am having a loss of faith and are sure that I will find my path, I think if I am going to be anything at this time I'll will be a Wicca, but that is for later. As with all articles on yahoo people can comment and there were some fairly ugly comments towards the atheists.

So my views, I think if there is a god he wouldn't care what the people and things he created thought and believed if he or she or some sexless all powerful being exists he she it will love everything it created. It won't send those who don't follow some book written by man and not him her it. He she it won't care if you believe in he she it or not he she it will love you all the same. No matter your beliefs not matter what you do because he she it made you or made it possible for you to be made and made it possible for you think and and breath and move and feel and be who you are and believe what you want, if the is a heaven there is no hell because no being that created a world would send those who he she it made to a place that is full of fire or lack of hope or there is fear or there is hurt, if there is a hell then we are all on it now and if we can make it through then we get the easy afterlife of heaven, we are not judged at death that makes not sense to be judged at death, we all live a life of ups and downs we all live in our own person hells at one point or another so why on earth in hell whatever ever saying you prefer would something someone that allowed to be created send of to a worse place than we are already in, that is just wrong and no loving higher being would do that, no truely loving being could do that.

I don't believe in organized religion, Wicca is the least organized religion that I can see good points in but I still wouldn't join anything, all they do is shove falsehoods down your throat and scare and guilt people in to doing what they think is right they don't talk to god if they do then they are crazy or have some mental disease and need help, either way if anyone say they talk to god they need help. I do get that some people well a lot of people need structure and people telling them what is right and wrong and that it is how a lot of people find tier ethic and morals but all organized religions are technically cults it's just the 'mainstream' ones are culturally and socially accepted but it still doesn't change the fact that they a cults as the definition of the word cult is "a particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies." this came from dictionary.com. I think if there is a god that life is not a test per say but a way of seeing how its creations is changing and evolving and when our life comes to an end the all power being if it exists will take us to in the infinite space of the universe. As an intellectual being myself I can't truly say what is or is not out there as I do not have all the facts, but I can express my views and say what I think and believe. I don't do these kinds of post because I don't like confrontation but the comments in that article bugged me and I know I didn't link it well I'm thinking I should so here it is.

And that is all for today mostly because I am losing my train of thought.

A small rant

I moderate my comment, I didn't but then I starting getting a ton of spam comments and decided it was just easier to see the spam first before it was posted on the blog, this means I see all comments before they are posted to my blog, also meaning I get to chose what it posted. To be honest I will post most comments, I am open to discussion even if the person is disagreeing with something I have said. Now I have never and have not had a what kind of comments will be tolerated post or page because until recently I had very little on readership and honestly still believe I do and I get very few comments so when I get and email telling me there is a comment on here I get very excited. With that being said if a rude, even in the tiniest of ways, comment pops up chances are I'm not going to allow it to be posted, this manly being I don't want that on my blog, negativity is not wanted or welcome here, you can disagree and have your own opinion just don't be ugly or rude it is not necessary.

Why am I just doing this now well on a recent post I was talking about a comment from a post I had done over a year ago, I enjoyed the comment and it reminded of how good of a dark writer I am, it translated to my novel as I am stuck on developing Leo and Emma's relationship and I'm weird and HAVE TO write from beginning to end. Someone happened to make a comment about my grammar, walking away form it for a bit I know it was more of an observation than meaning to be rude but was just written with a kind of rudeness to it, though being typed it is hard to tell the commenters true intent, anyways I did not post it, finding it slightly rude. For one the post had nothing to do with my grammar and I would also like comments to have some sort of relevance the the post. Secondly I am dyslexic, grammar and editing are not my strong point, in 6th grade I had 4th grade level editing skills I was two years behind then I doubt I ever fully grasped the concepts of editing. That being said I know my grammar sucks, I don't need to be told that, plus the comment said something about getting an editor for my novel, which I kind of have already done as my mom has edited the two complete chapters and I will have her do the same with the rest of the book. I don't edit my post unless I read through and see a major error that makes understanding the point of that post hard otherwise I figure people can figure out what I mean with the few typos or grammar mistakes. I do get someone to edit my novel and other more artistic writings, this blog to me is more of a public journal I don't edit private journal entries and I will only edit blog post if it is glaringly obvious that something needs to be fixed to get my point across, otherwise not going to fix the little mistakes. That being said though if as a reader you see a huge mistake feel free to point it out to me so I can fix it because I am only human and I don't reread all my post all the time so please feel free to tell me if you find something confusing or a little hard to understand so that I can go back and fix it.

And that is all the rant I got in me today.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! Having a good time with my family though dad and little brother are still in Texas, missing them. My nephew is getting bigger everyday.

Remembering

I just got an email because I got a comment on a post I wrote over a year ago. It was written when I was in that deep dark place of not knowing where the hell my ex was and I forgot how good of a dark writer I am. I had to go back and read the piece because from the comment I could not remember what the post was and from reading man I gotta say I really like my dark depressing suicide writing. That and my other really dark pieces seem to be some of my best work, now my novel has me stuck, it does have a dark element to it but I am also trying to add a romance to it and that is giving me some trouble. I think it is because although I was happy with my last relationship it ended very badly and well looking back it wasn't much of a healthy relationship anyways so in the big picture I don't really know how a good relationship should form and how it should work without copying from others and I don't want that it is sad to say that I am inexperienced when it comes to relationships and I admit it is at my own hand but still it is hard for me to write what I don't know. I can write dark and depressing because that is what i have been living for the past few years, but a happy romance it just not working but it is not something I want to cut out. Which is why I am stuck with the novel, because I have to write start to finish and I am at the point where the relationship needs to build and get going I am at odds of what to have happen. I might try adding a darker spin on the romance but I'm not sure that that is what I want.

See I am in a better place then when I stopped writing my last try at a book based on a short story I had written but stopped that one because I took a wrong turn in the plot and had to set it aside to get the fantasy sci-fic out which is why I chose to write 'Sleepless: the story of the 24'. And being stuck on that one is leaving me in a weird place. I want to write and I want to work on Sleepless but I'm not sure how do move forward. I don't want to abandon another novel(not that I really did with the first it is just on hold) and I'm not going to. But I'm really stuck. Maybe I should write some dark prose and see if I can either but them in the novel or have it help me find the romance I need, because really even if I turn the love between Leo and Emma it to something dark it is still a romance and still adds to the story and it may just make it that much better of a novel. Then I will try to do a more normal romance with my first on which deserves to have happy/light/romantic/out of this world romance, Emma has to save the world from her evil father, while Izzy(Isabel) has a completely normal life in a small town nothing strange and weird happening there(plus it takes place way before the sleepless so even if it was the same world Izzy's world is years in the past). But anyways that book will come later and right now I am stuck trying to get Sleepless right. Well writing does take time.

Zander

My beautiful Nephew.


The Happy Family

Lonely

So just for warn everyone this may get a bit dark. I been thinking a lot and I think I can finally write them down.

I've been alone for a while now. My ex and I broke up over a year ago and I cut him out of my life this past September. And that was a good thing it really was. It had to be done or I would still be in and out of this big dark cycle that had been controlling me for the past year. Did you know that even through we were done over a year ago I never really started dating again, looking back I know that is because I hoped we would get back together even though I knew that it would never happen I hoped, which I think is why pretty much as soon as I knew that he had moved back to Austin I cut him out, it took all of a few half asses conversation for me to just say fuck it this is going nowhere and never will I don't want to even talk to you anymore. And you know what I haven't not a word to him since I sent that email back in September(refer to second link I don't feel like linking that post again). And I do feel good about that. I really do.

However it doesn't keep me from thinking about him, wishing could have happened differently. I know it doesn't matter and I can't change anything but still. We had sex back in May before I knew he was moving back probably before he knew he was moving back and well even with having been on the pill for a year and a half I still freaked about the possibility of being pregnant, I know next to impossible, but still I think part of me wanted to be so that he would most likely be in my life forever, having come to my senses I know that would have been a horrible mistake. (Though side note, my BC is awesome after being on it for seven month(a new one the old made me really bitchy) it has taken away that evil monthly visitor, well at least for this past month, and no I have had no sex since May, my BC is just awesome.) Anyways back to the real post. Knowing that would have been the worst mistake of my life I am glad it didn't happen.

And really you what led to this post, well that would be my obsession with Hulu, which to be honest is mostly used to catch up on shows that I miss because I don't get home from work till 8pm but still it's an obsession on my days off. Anyways I was watching the Desperate Housewives that I missed and it showed and ad for a show that had been canceled but that they had all the episodes to watch, so after I finished with Desperate Housewives I went to watch it, the show was Lipstick Jungle and you know it's good, I have now watched all 20 episodes and was happy with it kinda wish I had been watching when it was on TV, though it would have most likely still been canceled, anyways it's about three high powered women living in New York, they also happen to be best friends, and from watching it I realized my friends still suck, which I really only have one friend from high school that I still talk to and I was so out of it the one year I did spend at UT that I never made any friends, it all my fault but still never really made any friends. So really I have no friends. My friend from high school is an over achiever that has like no time to do stuff and I work so much and have school stuff to get done that I am no better than her at trying to find time to hang, plus it's not like I can make new friends through school it's all on the computer and my classmates generally don't even live in the same state. I need to get out more and just don't.

I guess I feel broken most of the time. I don't want to go out by myself but then don't have anyone to go out with. I have mostly only talked to family and my employer for the last year, and I know it's sad but hey that's my life right now.

I did find my ex on the net but I don't think I want to do that again, at least not right now, and I know that having a guy in my life doesn't fix everything but it is something I want. My brother wants me to meet someone when I go visit him over Thanksgiving, I really hope things go good, but I'm not holding my breath, I don't feel like suffocating, which is not me saying I don't think things will go well just that he told my mother not me and well we don't talk very much but if it was really something you would think the would tell me directly and not through my mother, but hey I could be over thinking this I do tend to over think things. I don't I guess I'll just have to wait and see, a little over a week and counting and I'll know. But hey if it doesn't go well or is not the set up I'm thinking it is I will come home and put myself out there again, I really will start dating again.

Ok I think that is it for the darkness.

Sorry no baby pics yet they have not been posted on fb and that is the only way I can get them at least until I go there.

Alexander Vincent

My nephew has been born. Today at 1:34pm EST. He is 6lbs 4ozs and 19in long. Pic to come when I can steal them off facebook hopefully later today but most likely sometime this weekend.

Happy Halloween

Well it is Halloween and all that really needs to be said is HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Sharing the love part 2 #1

A blog that I have found that I enjoy is Day2Day Madness. I haven't been reading very long but from what I've read I do know that I want to read more. So that being said I am looking forward to reading more and hope others enjoy it as well.

Sharing the love part 1

Veronica is starting a share the love thing where she once a month will show some love to a blog she likes to read that her reader may not know about I am going to attempt to participate in this but first a blog exploring I must go as I if not all the blogs I read through her, so tomorrow or in the next few days I will try to post part two of this which will really be the sharing or the love part of.

No good title came to me

So a couple days ago I had an idea for a post and now it's gone. Not even sure on what topic this post was going to be on, I should get a notebook or something to write things like that down, you know like when I am writing my novel and stop mid sentence that what I got right now half a sentence and I'm not quite sure where I was going when I started writing it. Oh well it will all work out int the end.

Work has been going so good. B is advancing everyday. She has some many words yet still not enough as she has started hitting when she is mad, and not just with me her parents have noticed the hitting as well, and we are working on that starting with time out because we are not going to put up with this hitting thing. Also she screams and tells me no when I go to change her cloths or give her her bath it is making things a little difficult but I think it is because she wants her privacy but is just not to that point of she can do it herself yet.

I am going to be in aunt in a little over a month and I can't wait. I was writing the weeks/days down to keep track of my hours and I only have five weeks until I will be in Dover to see the little guy. Plus my brother told my mom that he and his wife had someone they wanted me to meet so it should be an interesting trip.

ANd that is it for now.

It's Done

I got sick of being ignored or whatever by him so I sent him an email today saying some of the things that I wanted to say and asking some of the questions I had wanted to ask saying I would cut him out if he was a jerk again because I cared about him and in the past year he has made it really to do that and I needed answers and he said he didn't have any so I've cut him out this should be the last post about him ever and I wish I could have had an easier time moving on last year when this all started but life is life and you can't change it, you may notice I don't even want to type his name anymore. He lied many time and he's become a jerk and I don't need that, so he's out. I deleted him from my phone email and im and I may even go delete the post about him after this has been up for a bit but not sure as he still was a part of my life at one point and I can't change that. I sad but glad it's over I can really move on now knowing that I hopefully won't ever have to hear from him or see him again.

Why is this happening

Why is life going this way?
Why was he all I could think about for the last few weeks?
Why is he back?
Why is all this happening?
Over a year has past
It's been over a year
He's been in and out of my life
In and out
In and out
I don't know how much more of this I can take
But life goes on and I have to deal with this
I have to deal with all of it
I have to deal with it all
I have to keep going and I have to talk
To him
To people
To myself
I have to talk about it.

I can't even believe it

So I got a text at work today from someone I use to work I guess you would still call us friends just with my hours and school I have no time to do anything other than school work and family time/ time to relax and try to write. Anyways back to the text she was asking for Jon's number I was confused and asked why she said she thought he was texting her and it was him before I could give her his number he had confirmed to her that he was him(that sounded really confusing but it is how it happened) anyways I was then confused to why he was texting her and not me and then she sent me a text from him about an email I had sent back in May the last time he was in town and he took it the wrong way plus he had tried to send me emails but I haven't gotten them. Well I said she could give him my number, he claimed he had lost it, and he texted me saying Jessie, my friend, said he needed to call me but he wasn't in a place where he could and I was ok with that since I was at work, anyways turns out he is moving back to Austin, that's right I said moving back to Austin. I'm shocked, surprised, and have a ton of other emotions running through my head and that still can't explain all that I'm going through with that little news. I hoping to be able to talk to him more and see what this really means but still I can't believe it and don't exactly know how to deal with it.

Twitter

I finally got a twitter last night. I was resistant to get one as only using 140 characters is a challenge I don't update my facebook status very much either for that reason although you can say more in the facebook status this but still. But I finally broke down and registered last night and you know I'm still not sure why, It might be more so that I can follow people then actually tweet myself although I will try to get a tweet out there every now and then. I'm not sure if I will use it all that much as although I have been using computers practically my whole life I have never spent a ton of time sitting there on a computer and my phone sucks and there is no way it could last if I tried to tweet from it for any amount of time. Oh well I we will just see how it goes.

Happy Belated Anniversary

Yesterday was my parents 28th wedding anniversary. They didn't do much to celebrate as my mom left with her sister very early this morning to got to MA and pack up her sisters house. She will be back on Saturday and I'm sure they wouldn't have done anything anyways they are not that kind of couple, they love each other and let each other know it but don't need to go out or anything to show that they do. so yeah that would be it for now.

Best Day Ever!

So just had to say B took a four and an half hour nap today and when she woke up her day was already home, I liked that part of my day. Though one thing that was not cool was that their microwave died while I was heating her lunch so that sucked, other then that awesome day.

I've been very busy

So I have had a really busy month. My brother and sister-in-law came to visit so we could give them a baby shower I am pretty sure I have said on here that my sis-in-law is expecting but if not I have now, it's a boy Alexander Vincent, of course will have pics when he is born in November. SO while they were here I was not at my computer and that was two weeks ago now, we went to Sea World, and then had the Shower the Sunday they were here it was fun but after there was some drama. See they had already been told they might not get to come because Liz, my sis-in-law, had been to the doctor the Monday before they were suppose to leave for spotting and abdominal pain, they ran test and since they had not heard anything when they were about to board the plane they came. She was fine and everything here, had a little trouble with her getting overheated and have low sugar at Sea World but nothing to bad, until Sunday after the shower when she fainted outside our house. We took her to the hospital and they said she was dehydrated they gave her fluids and said she was fine to head to Arkansas which was the next leg of their vacation and family visiting. Well her mom who had come for the shower was worried so she delayed leaving Austin a bit by stopping and eating before they left, this was Sunday night or technically very early Monday morning and I got a call from my brother asking how to get back to the hospital at 2:30am, handed him over to my mom and went to bed as I had to work the next day. She ended up having some bacterial infection, she was given a prescription and told to wait till the next day on continuing to Arkansas, they waited until that night and left, and didn't have any real problem other then it took six hours to get to Dallas instead of three which meant it took more then nine hours to get to Little Rock. She is okay now and in Arkansas but it was a very stressful crazy weekend.

I have also been working a lot and having much school work to do but I am on the last week of term and then I have a week off so that will be nice. and i think that is all I have for today will try to post more often.

Just so you know

I guest posted on Sleepless Nights you can find it here.

Work

So I have been at my job for three weeks now and I have to say that I love it. She takes a two and a half to three hour nap a day, and she is really good the rest of the day. She loves to go outside and she likes to color. She also loves reading. Since she is only 15 months and I have only known her for three weeks there is still a lot for me to learn. But just had to say I love my new job.

Happy

4th of July! Happy Birthday America! And stuff like that.

So

I have a job now as a nanny to the cutest girl ever, well in my opinion. She is 14 months old and very sweet her name is Braelyn. I have only been with her for one day but it went really well, so much that I can teach her and help her do. And that would be all for today.

Life and Reality TV

So I don't remember if I have said on here yet or not but I'm going to be an aunt in November and it's a boy, Alexander Vincent, we are all very excited even though they live in Delaware. We should be have a baby shower in August here in Texas if my sister in law can travel she is a high risk pregnancy so it is still up in the air. Either way there will be much shopping for my nephew.

I have almost finished chapter 2 of my novel as of right now I have not quite 40 manuscript pages and 11,239 words. I am going to have my mom read the two chapters when I finish the second and then continue on I might post more here later as well.

I've been going through a lot. My ex was here again at the end of May and I may have said something about that already but I sent him an e-mail and he never responded which I expected he wouldn't so not a big deal it still suck though when he decides to communicate and then suddenly disappears again it brings me back to what I felt last year and I just can't feel that way anymore. I really am trying to move on it's just hard to do when he keeps popping in and out of my life every three or so months.

I've been watching The Real Housewives lately which means it the New Jersey ones right now and that stuff is crazy. Some of the stuff that goes on it like wow did that really happen. I feel for Dina who left the show she did what was best for her and I feel for the other housewives that still have to put up with Danielle she is crazy and I really hope she doesn't stay on much longer. I know it's weird for me to talk about TV but from what I've seeing I just had to let it out. The Manzos and their friends seem like good decent people and they have to deal with a crazy woman, and I know they could just not do the show but I would rather see their lives that the crazy persons.

ANd that is all for now.

I'm

20 today. So Happy Birthday to Me and whatnot. Will be fixing profile later.

i started again

That's right tonight I started working on my novel again. I made myself sit down and start writing. Fight the writers block with writing. I am very proud of myself right now. I had not touch my novel since sometime last year and it feels good to be writing it again. And I know people probably think I 'm crazy for this but I have to write in order which is what has partly taken me so long to get back to it. I don't know why but I just have to go in order. So that is the good news for tonight.

Oh and I have a job interview on my birthday for a job at a photography studio, I am very excited and hope I get it, I would love to work on my photography skills and get paid to do it.

I think I'm good now

I sent Jon an email yesterday telling him that when he is in town we can only hang out and nothing farther because it is all I can handle emotionally. I haven't heard back but I told him if he was going to reply to take some time to think. I feel better and yet worse at the same time. Because although I know it is not good for me when we sleep together I don't want him to stop wanting to see me, we are suppose to be friends and it was more like friends with benefits and now I know I can't handle being friends with benefits and that we should just be friends. It is a whole lot of mess, because really I still have feelings for him and wish it could be more, but being in reality I know better than that so I just got to hope we can really be friends even when there is no sex.

I need...

I need a job. Twice now I had been lead to think that I had a job and twice now things have fallen through. My last day at my current job is next week and I really need something else lined up. I am pissed. The first was a summer babysitting job with a family my family kinda knew and the only thing I can think of why I didn't get that job was because the other candidate was older. The other was with a nanny agency and they said they did not interview you unless you were qualified so when I got the interview and the person was talking about just having to do this and that I believed I had the job, well today i got an email that said my references were not up to standards, which I'm pretty sure that is because I have only ever babysat for the families and never actually been a nanny for, but still the agency should have checked the references before the interview because in the interview they said all they had to do was this and then I would go to an orientation and could start taking jobs, so I am pretty pissed off right now about that. I have worked in childcare for going on eight years and just because I was 12 when I start shouldn't stop me from getting jobs. I'm sick of working for other people and I am working on not having to but it will take some time before that can happen, at least six months and I have bills to pay still, a car payment, school, credit cards; my parents can not take that on, I can barely afford it on what I get paid now. I have never had this much trouble finding a job before and it's pissing me off.

I can't believe it

I know, I know it has been forever again but I just haven't had much going. I have pretty much just been going to work and doing my school stuff. Well my cousin did get married a month ago and we have set a date for my sister-in-law's baby shower. She and my brother will be here for about a week in August. Jon is in town again, saw him yesterday, said he would be here for a while so probably will see him again before he leaves. Um... Not much else going on. Oh, I quit my job at the daycare to start at a nanny agency, it should be fun, and easier as I will be dealing with less children. I want to do more work with my novel so I will be trying to find time to do that. And that's about it for now.

I know it has been a while

But I have been busy. Last weekend was my cousins weeding and it was beautiful and fun and I'll post pictures later when I get them. That means I was in San Antonio all weekend. Actually Friday to Sunday morning but we did have to drive to Austin and back to San Antonio after I realized I had left my purse some where in the house and it ended up on the porch good thing we went back. That is about all that has been going on with me other then some other very stressful things that I may or may not post about a little later this week.

Bad Habits and Other Things

I have had some very bad habits as of late. I have wanted to post for a while but have kept pitting it off. I have had stuff to post but just couldn't get myself to post. I think part of it is because I have been pretty busy but for me that is no excuse since I do sit in front of my computer for hours a day if it be on facebook or hulu watching TV shows I missed, if I have time to do that I have time to post on here. But still I procrastinate on posting.

A lot has been going on. My cousin is getting married in less then a month and I went to her bridal shower last Sunday. It was fun. It did not serve its intended purpose though. My cousin had not wanted her mother or my mother there so that I could get to know some people so that I would not only know family at her wedding, well here mother cried and ended up going which meant my mother had to go for language control on my aunt, see my cousin who just turned 22 is marring a man who I believe is 50 I'm not positive on his age I just know he is closer to my dad's age then mine. Well the rest of the family can clearly see that she loves him and even though we worry about her know that she has made the choice and is happy with it. So we leave it at that. I got to go shopping with her to get dresses for the wedding and the rehearsal and that was fun other then the shoes I was wearing killed my left heal, but got new ones and I'm all set for the wedding.

I have a baby shower to go to today. A co-worker is due in April and so it is that time. She is my age and there was a lot of stress and drama in the beginning but now everyone has accepted it and are ready to welcome Makayla, but since it is the director's son's girlfriend that is due I'm sure you can see why there was drama. Both parents work at the center. It should be fun.

Now this part is what I've really been debating about posting. I use to post most things about this but I was unsure for a while now weather I should. I finally deiced that I would. It does however show another bad habit. You all know my ex disappeared and then ended up moving to Japan, well he has visited Austin quite often since then. First time I knew about was the July after when I was still in a deep dark depression. Then he came to Oklahoma/Austin for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He came for a few weeks in January. And he just recently has come for SXSW. Well while he was here for that long two month span we hung out once. It was at his place there was drinking involved we did stuff we shouldn't and I had been confused about it ever since. I tried to talk to him about what happen but that didn't help and I pretty much just left it. I didn't email or text him and I had no plan to do so anytime in the future. Well he texted me the weekend of my cousin's shower. It was Saturday morning I had nothing to do. At first it was just this and that about him being stranded the night before but then he invited me over to hang. It was early but I didn't have any else to do so I went. It stated off all innocent. I sat on one side of the couch he sat on the other we caught up on what was happening in each others lives as we semi watched TV. Then we decided to watch a movie. I went and picked Zombieland. Once the movie was in he pulled me onto his lap, well since he was laying down I was really just laying on top of him. Well we watched the movie, during it he playfully fake but my neck, but he did kiss me at some point during it and there was some inappropriate touching on his part. Well after the movie stuff happened that probably shouldn't have and even though I knew I should be stopping it I didn't. After this happening twice, once in December and once a week ago I can see it happening every time that I see him as long as I'm not with someone else. It is a bad habit that I really should not get caught up in. But he still makes me feel good when I'm with him and some of the things he say are confusing as hell. We were talking about how I had gotten hot as in I felt overly warm the last time I had seen him since I was really drunk at the time, well he then said 'you're always hot' which is a nice compliment but it confuses things, now not saying that I don't still find him attractive I do and always will but I never verbalize and he does. Then I was telling him how my cat woke me up during a dream that I did not want to be woken form because it was a dirty dream and a very good one, he asked if it was about him and when I said no he asked 'why are you having dirty dreams about other people you should only have them about me" We have been broken up for almost a year now I could be dating someone else so that was really weird too to hear him say that. It like he wasn't ready but he was the one who ended the relationship. I was dished a whole lot of confusion and I don't know how to handle it.

Weekly Winners March 1-6

First time doing this and all the pictures are really from the 6th.

Climbing High


Yay! Presents


Sandcastle Building


A Boy's Way of Fun


Can't Ever get it Right

So I don't leave February on a sad note

I only have two weeks left till next term, I got many transfer credits from UT to Kaplan. The US won overall metal count with 37 plus an excellent and exciting Gold Metal Hockey game today between Canada and the US, and I do not watch Hockey I am a American Football/Football(soccer) fan. And in general things are going well. Going to Roundrock next weekend to Aidan his birthday present even though his fourth birthday is not till the 10th.

Now for some pictures.



My spastic cat.


Little Aidan

Sadness

Today was a stressful day. A long day. A horrible day. A very very sad day.

It all started like normal. Wake up whenever because is was Sunday. Eat breakfast. Do some school work. Grandparents and Aunts came over, the normal Sunday.

Then all of a sudden I hear screaming and crying, and by then I was watching a movie on my computer. I go downstairs to see what is going on and I see pretty much the whole family leaving. I ask my little brother what is going on and he says that our dog attacked my aunt's dog. Now we keep them separated because we knew he is aggressive, but when my aunt was coming inside she didn't realize that our dog was there and he bolted out the dog and got a hold of her dog. She was dead minutes after he got her but they rushed her to the vet anyways.

I got this all when my grandparents came inside and then I proceeded to follow my parents up to bring my grandparent to be with my aunt. When we got there we knew she was dead and they were filling out the paper work to get her cremated.

We then had to go to a clinic for my aunt because we were pretty sure our dog had also broken her finger while she was trying to get him to let go of her dog.

Right now we are keeping my cat on even tighter lock down from the dog as he spends his last night with us. Tomorrow my parents are taking him to be put down. It is sad in many ways. One he killed my aunts dog. Two she didn't want us to put our dog down but we have to he killed another dog and hurt my aunt. Three he is only five. But he has to suffer the consequences for doing what he did. My little brother is so sad because it was more of his dog then anyone elses. My dad is upset that our dog did what he did. And everyone is sad about what happened. It was a hard day today. And it is going to be a hard couple of weeks.

I am posting twice because I had the other post in drafts for a few days as I was trying to give my blog a new style and while my computer was getting debugged.

Reading

The last couple weeks I have read a lot and I mean A LOT. And no not things I should be reading meaning not my text book for school. Now I have A's in both the classes I'm taking so to me it is not a big deal to be reading for fun. I have read five books in just about two weeks. For me this is good and really only took that long because I didn't have as much time to read when I got to the last book. But anyways I've been reading books and blogs and gaining ideas left and right for my own writing. I think I mentioned in my last post that I found my journal from my senior year of high school and although that was only two years ago(wow it just hit me that I have been out of high school for two years) I found the beginnings of my current novel and some very very dark writing that I had written in the whole high school sucks I am all alone thing I was going through. Now the beginning of my novel actually has nothing to do with my novel it was a story I wrote for creative writing that as I tried to turn it into a novel it took a nasty turn and I had to stop.

Now that being said I would love to share it but it is not on this computer it is on my dead one sad I know, it would be very long type for right now. But I have shorter pieces that I am going to share over the next few blog posts.

The first is a short, very short, writing about something backwards it was published in the high school's literary magazine.

Ssecop Gnitirw

The pen on the table is picked up; the cap is removed and brought to the bottom of the page. Moving from right to left words are taken from the page. The scribbles disappear along with the comas, periods, semi-colons, question marks, explanation points, and smudges. Letter by letter words disappear. Half way through the author stops to think. Then again the pen is brought back mid-page and from right to left words disappear. Closer and closer to the top of the page soon only the title remains. The author stops and thinks the title disappears from right to left letter by letter. Another pause the blank paper sitting there the pen in his mouth. The idea is there the concept is good. More time elapses and the idea starts to fade then fully disappears and is gone. The writing process begins.

I feel I need to, and random bits

I really fell I need to post more often. I mean I look at my blog everyday to get to the blogs I read and I really do want to write more and this is my easiest form at the moment at least when it comes to people reading what I write. I've had quite a lot of reader lately and mostly form different countries. Now I do write in a journal type thing but I need to get another one for personal use because the one I have right now is for my exploration into Wicca. And even though that is a personal choice and issue I don't want to mix it with the on going thought I have about my day to day life that I do not wish to share with everyone well anyone for that matter.

Which brings me back to needing to post more. Or at least I feel I need to post more. I don't know I thinks it more I want to post more. For the last few days I've come to look for new post on the blogs I read and have thought to myself 'I need to post' I just finally did that today.

I am excited to say that I am reading for pleasure again, it's been a while and it feels good to escape into a world of fantasy. It makes me want to pick back up in writing my novel but when I just look at my time I have very little time for myself with work and school, and I'm still not in a place to be writing some of the sub-plots of my book, I need to be happier, not that I'm not happy, I'm just not happy enough. I'm also really tired and my brain goes all fuzzy when tired.

I was looking for paper the other day and found my journal for my senior year I didn't even remember writing some of the stuff and reading about things that happened some of it was like 'That happened? I can't believe I forgot about that" Wow what almost two years does to the memory.

I got my new car. That was an exciting experience. Have had it for about 3 weeks. It's an 07 Chevy Equinox. I LOVE IT! It is a dark gray and looks like the picture mostly, mines muddy from having a dirt driveway and it raining for the last three weeks.


On a sadder yet exciting note my older brother passed the test/training he needed to to be deployed. Which is good for his career but sad to think that he could be sent overseas to where it is not safe.

Well I know this had random jumps but it was what what on my mind and it felt good to write again.

What to do, What to do

I work at a childcare center. I love my job it is fun. We are having a mass birthday party for all our January birthdays, we have four. One of the children in my class is allergic to peanuts and eggs. Well he happens to be one of the children who's birthday is in January so it wouldn't be fair to have the party on a day he was not there. So now the fun to find an eggless cake recipe so that he can enjoy a birthday cake. I think I have found on but I have never baked anything that didn't have egg in it. I just hope it all goes well because I want all the children to enjoy the party. I have never had to deal with an allergy like this before, though the child is very aware of his allergy and asks if he can eat something if he has not had it before and does not know if it has egg in it or not. I think my biggest worry is that the children wont like the cake. I just don't know we will see how it goes.

Internet Bullies

While reading through the blogs I read yesterday I came across Veronica's post about why it is not always a good idea to ignore the trolls. As a general rule most bloggers ignore them in an attempt to strip them of their power and the joy they receive by you the blogger responding to them the troll. But here is the question to ask did that work back in school, when you ignored the bully that beat others up either physically or emotionally did they stop? I my experience no they did not. So why would it work here. These people get a kick out of putting down others and many times they have followers that agree with them. Which dose not help because they have people that agree with them so they must be completely and totally right about their opinion and there is no other view. Which don't get me wrong for them there might not be, but there are many ways of seeing any situation.

I personally have never been attacked by someone for anything I have written on this blog, but their are other people in the blogging community that are. And that is not okay, most bloggers are adults in one form or another, weather they be a teen or an "adult" why should you feel the need to hurt other humans who put their lives out there. Yes you are entitled to an opinion and you can even express it but there are other ways of expressing your opinion to a person about THEIR life then just being plan out rude.

We should have and may have stood up to the bullies in school and it is time to stand up to the internet bullies now. There is no reason to be ugly and rude to another person, it is just plan classless and uncalled for.


** Edit** I just wanted to add this link that I came across while reading my school work. It can be useful in more then just my online course work.

Yeah!!!

I started school today. I have already logged into my classes and have plans to do home work tomorrow and this weekend. I am so excited to be back in school and I am so glad I can do it online, yeah to the internet.

In other news I believe I missed I one year blog anniversary it was in September and I was not all here in September.

Other then that realization everything is going great!!! =)

Happy New Year!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!